Monday, April 27, 2015
As miracle workers go, Hope n' Change is forced to tip our hat to Barack Obama for reinventing a couple of classics previously performed only by Moses and Jesus.
The parting of the Rio Grande is the most obvious. Millions of illegal immigrants are now able to flood into our country with Obama holding back the churning threat of red tape, using nothing but his God-like Executive Order powers - and a promise to make life a living hell for any border agent who tries to enforce our actual immigration laws.
But that's only his warm-up miracle. Obama then goes the "loaves and fishes" route to magically multiply the number of actual immigrants!
Here's how it works: under the guise of "prioritizing deportation," Obama has unilaterally declared that millions of illegals won't be deported. Half a million have already been given social security numbers and work permits, and there are reports that nine million more will be getting them soon. And that's a lot of folks, right? Wrong...
Because once Obama has given an illegal immigrant that paperwork, they can legally bring in their spouse and any children under 21. And if any of those children also have children of their own, they can all come too! And if those young parents happen to be married, they can also bring their spouses and the parents of their spouse!
Of course, hauling that many people to Los Estados Unidos is a dauntingly expensive and exhausting challenge for these impoverished folks - which is why you get to pay for it. That's right, your tax dollars will fly all of those folks into the heartland and provide "resettlement assistance" to make life a little easier until they start receiving the full taxpayer benefits which they are suddenly - indeed, miraculously - eligible for.
Speaking of miracles, it would be a whopper if dumping this much unskilled labor into the marketplace didn't drive down wages and put additional pressure on our nation's poor and middle class. But then, that's what Obama's policy is intended to do. After all, the worse things get for the poor and middle class, the greater will be the calls to "topple the 1%" (or 10%, or 25%), redistribute their ill-gotten money, and (just for fun!) defile the corpses of the evil rich and/or the annoyingly solvent.
But wait, there's more! Remember when Obama promised a "fundamental change" to our nation? It's already happened - and is probably unstoppable. As much of 80% of our population growth is now directly attributable to immigrants, legal and (especially) illegal. The demographic shift is irrevocably changing our economy, our culture, and what used to be our future.
Let us be clear: illegal immigrants aren't necessarily bad people (outside of being law-breaking criminals) and they're dragging their huge, extended families to the United States in hopes of finding opportunity. Those opportunities - and our nation's redistributable wealth - are finite and already spread too thin. But ironically, because our compassion is almost infinite, we'll keep trying to make this overburdened system work until it destroys us.
Whether you're religious or not, you've got to admit that for one nefarious man to pull that off is a miracle.
BONUS: EXTRA SAUSAGE
Just because Obama has made his America-destroying "Dreams From My Father" come true is no reason we can't all still enjoy a good laugh! Or at least, that was the theory at the annual White House Correspondents Dinner which was held on Saturday.
Barry did indeed tell the alleged joke in the first panel, despite the fact that there are no documented examples of any pizzerias in Indiana that won't serve gay clientele. There may, however, be pizzerias that wouldn't serve Obama and Biden for other reasons - and if we can find them, we plan to send $100 to their Kickstarter campaigns.