Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Infernal Revenue

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, busty ross, taxes, april 15

It's more or less two weeks until April 15th, which means it's time for Hope n' Change to get serious about doing our taxes - a process which is more or less like performing a colonoscopy with an adding machine.

Frankly, we're tempted to just haul our overstuffed shoebox of receipts to Al Sharpton's new tax evasion service, H&R Black, for hints on simplifying the process and somehow staying out of jail.

But for now, we're entering data into "Quicken 2005" (the only version which will still run on our Mac) in preparation for using Turbotax ("As recommended by Timothy Geithner") to see how completely and painfully hosed we'll be this year. We're currently estimating that our taxes will be approximately 100 times what Hope n' Change actually brings in annually. And no, we're really and truly not joking. It's a long story, and one which we're not about to get into without a lawyer present.

In any event, that's why we're really not commenting about politics today - and can you blame us? The stories bouncing around the Internet include Trump's campaign manager being charged with "battery" on a female reporter for grabbing her arm (video of the event shows minimal contact despite her early claim of being "almost thrown to the ground"), one of Bill Clinton's many former mistresses claiming that Hillary had multiple abortions and only kept fetal Chelsea because political consultants advised that a baby might humanize their image, and John Kerry and Barack Obama complaining that the contentious GOP primaries are tarnishing the American "brand" overseas even more than Kerry's doofus bicycle accidents, Barry's torrid tango lessons, and - oh yeah! - the complete breakdown of anything like meaningful foreign policy.

But for now, we've got to get back to doing our taxes. In lieu of flowers, please send Scotch.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, busty ross, taxes, april 15
Your tax dollars at work.

20 comments:

REM1875 said...

Not sure they speak that down there. According to barrack's best advisors they speak mexican.

TrickyRicky said...

I could send you a bottle of Ballantine's I got for my birthday last weekend. Although it might come in handy for wound sterilization when the SHTF. I'm not parting with any single malt.

Tucci said...

What the hell is the issue of "income" taxes if not political?

Ever notice how Tax Day is calendrically about as far separated from the Tuesday after the second Monday in November as our Civil Masters can schedule it? Now imagine that our returns-due-date were that second November Monday instead, and how well that would serve to Get Out the Vote among the productive class....

Barks said...

Don't forget to subtract your $2,500 from taxes owe to account for Obama lowering your insurance this year.

Geoff King said...

One could simply renounce their US citizenship and thereby become an illegal alien who pays no taxes yet gets all the government benefits for free.

Boligat said...

@Tucci,

Right on. The only thing I would do differently is have Tax Day on Oct. 31. There's a kind of special meaning for that date that fits right in, don't you think? It would certainly liven up the evening. The bell rings, even if you turned off the porch light, and you would never know what kind of "monsters" waited on the other side of the door.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- Then maybe I should flee to Costa Rica. I'm told it's nice except for the millions of poisonous snakes and the occasional kidnapping for ransom.

@TrickyRicky- I thought Ballantine's was for February 14th?

@Tucci- You make a great point: there's nothing more political than taxes. I really like the idea about synchronizing Tax Day with Election Day. I'm also strongly in favor of ending the practice of withholding taxes from paychecks "invisibly." People should get their whole paycheck and, like the self-employed, be forced to compute and pay their taxes and social security four times a year. It could be called "The Great Awakening."

@Barks- I believe you can only subtract your savings if you include form 1040-BS.

@Geoff King- Tempting, but for now US citizenship is still too important to me. I'm just sentimental that way.

@Boligat- Ooh, I like that idea. There IS a nice symmetry with the monsters who come to your door demanding a handout "or else."

CenTexTim said...

I feel your pain...

Neal Hilistic said...

Finally had my tax guy send mine in yesterday. He had me doing summersaults at the last minute. Told him, screw it, send them.

Next year, I will be entering the 21st century and doing it with Turbo Tax. Been avoiding it like the plague but it's time. My tax guy does it electronically anyway. The IRS has already succumbed to hackers because bureaucrats are lazy, fat-assed, overpaid twits - the only thing they know well is their anus. So why not?

This is just theft. The government steals your money and then dangles a bauble in front of you to entice you to do something stupid to get a little of it back. At least, that is my interpretation of my tax guy's advice.

I hate Trump, I hate Bernie, I hate Hillary, I hate the IRS, I hate the GOP now, I want a new drug or at least a new political party that focuses on freedom, liberty, and... getting rid of the IRS and all 76,000 pages of the tax code!

Colby Muenster said...

Stilton,

I hate to pick nits on your normally brilliant cartooning, but DC gubmint types would never stoop to wiping their butts with lousy Hamiltons. We're talking Benjamins here, and that's only because they quit printing Clevelands.

Years back, my Congresswoman, Virginia Foxx sponsored legislation to do away with withholding tax and payroll tax, maybe more than once. I imagine she can still hear the disdainful cries of laughter that came from the RINO's and Democrats.

I actually like the idea of my taxes being withheld from my paycheck because it's convenient, but A) it should be voluntary, and B) the Fed should pay me interest. Or, should we by some miracle transition to a flat tax, deduct my 10 or 15 percent, and I'm done. No tax return; no deadline... period.

Colby Muenster said...

Oh... in unrelated news, Cuomo says he doesn't want New Yorkers going to North Carolina. That's something native North Carolinians have been wanting for decades! Who knew a silly "who can use the restroom" law would finally do the trick.

Just kidding, New Yorkers!

Sandy Link said...

Maybe Bernie and Hillary need to move to one of the 51-57 states that Baralph Onobama thinks exist, and perhaps they aren't required to file taxes. Just a thought (before completing my first cup of coffee.)

SC said...

@ Neil Hilistic - I'm with you! My daughter & I still do my taxes on the forms. Every year they change them, it gets more complicated, more time consuming & a bigger pain the a$$.

John the Econ said...

Since our tax system has long since turned into part of the wealth transfer mechanism, I've long argued that voting and completing your income tax should be combined. The 1040 would include your ballot. Your vote would count relative to the amount you enter on line 63 of the 1040. If the amount is zero, I really don't care what you think, and your vote shouldn't count as much as mine.

@Colby Muenster, I agree that the Feds should be paying interest. But since the Federal Reserve has rendered money practically free (and is even now contemplating "negative rates" because even free money isn't enough to "stimulate" a moribund Obama non-recovery) what the Feds would be paying is practically zero.

What I reported for Interest this year on cash savings wasn't even enough for a "Grand Slam Breakfast" for Mrs. Econ & I.

Tucci said...

Writes John the Econ: "Since our tax system has long since turned into part of the wealth transfer mechanism, I've long argued that voting and completing your income tax should be combined. The 1040 would include your ballot. Your vote would count relative to the amount you enter on line 63 of the 1040. If the amount is zero, I really don't care what you think, and your vote shouldn't count as much as mine."

Oh, I like that! To such an option I'd add the ability for a citizen to treat his vote as a proxy to be assigned to any legislative representative he chooses in his local, state, and federal governing bodies. Were that the case, I'd be happier reposing the exercise of my "proxy" in the hands of another Representative altogether (I'm "represented" in the U.S. House by a creature of the nearest big city's Democrat political machine, and my interests are supported far more satisfactorily by the guy elected in the next District over). Let each Representative's vote in each legislative body be weighted proportionately according to those voters' proxies.

That'd give frustrated and embittered voters a real reason for getting to the polls every election cycle.

REM1875 said...

Every year I procrastinate then do taxes in May, date it in Feb and rub dirt on envelop and run over it with lawnmower wheel a couple of times (not while mower is turned on) and they think it got lost in the mail.

REM1875 said...

Doc ...ahhh ..costa rica?....will you be getting zika now or when you get there? Hey don't miss the dengue fever deal they have as I hear it will make doing your taxes seem like a pleasant alternative. Oh and they may speak costa rican there- check with oblamer's advisors.

Anonymous said...

I'll just leave this here: Known travel expenses for the Obamas and Vice President Joe Biden have exceeded $78,003,292.44
➡️ http://bit.ly/1RzMWcP

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Neal Hilistic- Turbotax is pretty good, assuming you enjoy entering scads of numbers and finally getting a bottom line that you don't understand. Also, every time you fire it up it downloads lots of updates and corrections. Which is a good thing...unless you already sent in your taxes. Also, to reduce the risk of audits, I like to use the program to compute my taxes, but rather than sending it electronically I print it all out, crinkle the pages just slightly, then snail mail them in. Why make it easy for the IRS?

We definitely need a simplified tax system which essentially abolishes the IRS.

@Colby Muenster- Withholding taxes is convenient, which is what makes them a little too invisible. Although with a flat tax, it would make perfect sense to withhold the amount and be done with it.

Regarding the "War Between the States" on the subject of transgendered bathrooms, I think North Carolina is the clear winner here.

@Sandy Link- I suppose that I should be grateful to be doing my taxes in potentially the last year that Bernie Sanders isn't in charge of the process.

@SC- I gave up trying to use the printed forms ages ago. I can no more understand the questions the IRS asks than I can understand Martian. Seriously, it's all just word salad and drives me to panic attacks.

@John the Econ- Remember when a savings account could grow your wealth thanks to "the miracle of compounding?" I just checked the TOTAL interest received from my savings account in 2015 and the grand total was...45¢. Which, of course, I'm required by law to report to the government.

And I agree that people who pay no taxes should possibly be excluded from voting. It wouldn't be a foolproof system, but it would be better than what we have now.

@Tucci- I like your idea. If health insurance should be "portable," why not your elected representative?

@REM1875- I'd do that too if I didn't spend 3 days a week publicly begging for an audit (wry grin).

And I'd forgotten about Costa Rica's rich variety of tropical diseases. I think I'll scratch them off my list of bugout locations.

@Anonymous- Those expenses would be worth every penny if only the fares were one-way.

MAX Redline said...

Ya know, around 17 million Americans fill out form 1040EZ, which means they're basically entering numbers that the IRS already has! What's the point? They could just send those folks a text that says "here's what we have; here's your refund".