|State motto: "If you MUST sin, Wisconsin!"|
Mostly because, at the time of this writing, we have no idea how the primaries turned out because millions of Wisconsinites are still at the polls casting their votes before returning home for a delicious dinner of artery-clogging cheese (although it being Taco Tuesday, they may be enjoying cheese con queso).
According to political pundits who, frankly, should just shut their pieholes already, Cruz will decisively beat Trump on the GOP side and cause The Donald's campaign to go into a yuuuge death spiral. Unless it's Trump who wins decisively, thereby clinching the Republican nomination and forcing Cruz to return to Canada where he'll wander aimlessly in the vast maple syrup-producing wilderness wearing beaver pelts and mumbling in Spanish.
On the Democrat side, the (ahem) experts are predicting a win for Bernie Sanders because Hillary can't rely on the state's nearly nonexistent black vote, especially after she declared that unborn black persons have no constitutional rights. Okay, she didn't single out the black unborn, but it was implied - right? Moreover, Wisconsin voters like the idea of a president Bernie Sanders because he'll need to buy unbelievable amounts of cheese for government handouts. On the other hand, maybe Hillary will win because of a deal she made with the devil involving her grandchild's soul (her own was traded away decades ago).
Whatever the election results turn out to be, one thing is certain: when we enter the voting booth in November to choose between Paul Ryan and Joe Biden, we'll wonder why the heck we even bothered with primaries.
|And THAT'S what makes it American Cheese!|