Monday, August 15, 2016

Laughing Matters


As the old Borscht Belt joke goes, a man visits the doctor and says "Doc, it hurts when I do this." To which the doctor replies: "Don't do that."

Which pretty much sums up our reaction to analyzing current news stories: it hurts when we do it, so we won't.

This is just a one-day respite, giving us time to de-stress with our vintage TickleMaticand maybe have a belt or two of Borscht. Or, um, whatever else is handy.

The comments section is open - and even we'll admit there's plenty to talk about!

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

What, nothing to say about the newest batch of emails? Patronage for pay? :D Relax, you've got to keep from getting an ulcer.

Squidball said...

Does it cure smelly feet too? Politicians generate so much BS it trickles downward in to their shoes. I would Imagine Hillary has much use for a machine like this one :-)

George in Houtx said...

the "tickle-matic" reminded me of a TENS unit I have. (trans-dermal electro neural stimulation) it works wonders on a sore back , sciatic nerves , nerve/muscle cramps all thru the body. heck , it can even make you confess to crimes you didn't know had even been invented!

REM1875 said...

George in Houston- try working and sweating with that tens unit on. Turned on high and you will really be surprised when those electrodes slide too. OH wait you are in houston? No working needed to sweat up a storm.

Oh how nice to take time off from this mess- enjoy yourself Doc.

Well I am listening to tonights game in Milwaukee, while it may look like a tough one, my money is on the blue team pulling it out and cleaning it up by morning (when the effect of doping and boozing wear off)
Course the may have to call in the Gov's green team to do a little pitch hitting but still thats who I have my money on.
Course it might end early tonight because everyone has to get up for work tomorrow.......
(LMAO sometime I just slay myself)

PS I see the poor, armed felon, victim's sister is calling for peace in the neighborhood by telling them to go burn the suburbs- that might not rank right up there with the best advice in history.
Some of those folks in the burbs don't know how to shoot their large, well stock with ammo, assortment of guns sideways.

18Grey said...

Think happy thoughts! Hillary in jail, Bill admitting he has VD, Obama being indicted for all sorts of things Trump's first day in office, and.. puppies. I'll tell ya, I watch Colin Flaherty's you tube channel 'Don't Make the Black Kids Angry', covering black mob and black on everyone violence around the country, and between the two of you, I'm not sure who has to drink more to get the good job done that you're doing. I couldn't do it. Once a month I take a weekend off from the news and hope that the world will still be here when I turn the computer back on after a couple of days.

Hang in there,and thanks for what you do!

James Daily said...

As 18 Grey mentioned, taking time from this media agenda can do wonders. I took off three days last week - and didn't miss a thing. I felt rejuvenated, invigorated and rested. Well worth the effort. Wonder what a week would do?

Dr. Strangelove said...

I've got a serious case of Tromp fatigue myself, taking some time off is therapeutic.If I happen to miss a gaffe or two, there will be a fresh one when i get back.

Judi King said...

This story is more important than which idiot gets to be our next dictator.
http://patriotnewsdaily.com/house-republicans-say-isis-intelligence-was-manipulated/

chef621 said...


Eeny, meeny, miney mo of the same d**n problems if Hillbilly wins!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- I certainly wasn't lacking for material; the problem is putting enough of an ironic spin on a story to create a laugh or make a fresh point. Nothing struck me as meeting those criteria. And while I don't worry about getting an ulcer, I am trying to dodge a stress-related aneurysm ("Exploding Headitis").

@Squidball- The TickleMatic only cures smelly feet if you cough up the extra dough for the activated charcoal rollers. And regarding the amount of BS stuck to Hillary, I imagine if it were removed she'd have so little substance left she'd looked like a washed cat. And be giving you the same murderous looks.

@George in Houtx- I've got a TENS unit around here somewhere. Depending on where you place it in can feel like tickles...or feel like getting attacked by a python.

@REM1875- The Milwaukee story was the most obvious to be the subject of today's cartoon and commentary, but I couldn't find a "hook" that wasn't just terribly depressing. The police officer and the perp were both young black men; both were armed, and only one was going to walk away. Personally, I'm glad it was the police officer. The resulting riots, beating of whites, and calls for the death of cops show just how much damage the Left (and the Obama administration) has done to black America. And if Hillary wins, which I think quite likely, it will only get worse - because she'll want it to get worse.

@18Grey- Thanks for the happy thoughts! Pretty much any of those things you mention would put a smile on my face. And by the way, Mrs. Jarlsberg and I regularly say that we're "checking to see if the world is still here" when we turn on the news, obsessively, too many times a day.

@James Daily- I actually think it can be hugely beneficial to turn off the news from time to time. Much of what is reported these days is deliberately intended to roil our emotions and I don't think we're the better for it. Moreover, even legitimate stories arouse our "fight or flight" responses (and a cascade of stress hormones) even though fight and flight are both denied to us. I've joked before that since Obama took office, I've been aging in dog years. Only it's not actually a joke. On the plus side, I can lick myself now.

@Dr. Strangelove- I think it's especially healthy to try to avoid hearing Trump's gaffe of the day (or hour). Not just because they're frustrating and dumbfounding, but because every time he opens his yap he gives Hillary's very real scandals another day of not being mentioned in the news cycle.

@Judi King- The story of manipulated ISIS data was very much on my radar, even though it's not really even a new story. We have been fed lies upon lies.

@chef621- Isn't it astounding looking back over the disaster of the Obama administration, then hearing Hillary running on the promise to do more of the same?! Not that I doubt her...

jlw said...

hmmm.... multiple folks with TENS units. do i feel the electricity of a pending Johnny Optimism strip? i get such a charge out of him.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@jlw- I think the multiplicity of TENS units around here may be indicative that the HnC audience doesn't contain many millenials. And while I haven't put a TENS unit in Johnny Optimism yet, I did have Pepe the Epileptic tangle with an electrified fence a couple of weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear you're not going golfing. "Golf is a willful and deliberate use of a perfectly good rifle range..."

Karen-n-Bill Hart said...

@chef621- Isn't it astounding looking back over the disaster of the Obama administration, then hearing Hillary running on the promise to do more of the same?! Not that I doubt her...

More of the same would be the least of it! She's running around the country promising to make it worse. And imagine what Putin, Iran, China, or even ISIS could accomplish with a sizable donation to her "Foundation" slush fund.

Geoff King said...

If true, this article explains a lot about Hillary's odd behavior, and is possibly the best reason she should not be allowed to become president:
http://www.dangerandplay.com/2016/08/12/hillary-clinton-has-parkinsons-disease-physician-confirms/
Since the rumor also is that her husband has advanced AIDS, the question arises as to which of the two is going to hell first?

CenTexTim said...

Speaking of decompressing, I just got back from two weeks in the mountains of Wyoming. No TV, no Internet, no cell phone service, no newspapers - it was heavenly. Then I returned to grim, depressing reality...

I'm slowly adjusting, with the help of copious amounts of 'coffee.'

John the Econ said...

How about this one?

US monuments are getting covered in slime, and no one knows how to stop it

"Many major US monuments, including the Thomas Jefferson Memorial, are slowly turning from white to black, as biofilm - a catchall term for a group of microorganisms that come together to form slime - colonies start to run rampant in Washington DC."

I'm thinking "term limits" might help.

Hillarynomics and irony impairment: Listened to part of a Hillary speech on economics last week. She said that her strategy would be to give big corporations (but only the ones that she likes) tax credits would motivate them to hire more people and then those people will spend more money in their community, etc, etc. She then decried “trickle down economics”.

Get it? "Trickle down economics" is bad when it happens organically. But it's okay when central planners attempt to control the winners and losers. (and almost always fail)

"Hard work shouldn't be punished": Or so says another irony-impaired Democrat, Chuck Schumer:

"“Our Olympian and Paralympic athletes should be worried about breaking world records, not breaking the bank, when they earn a medal,” said ‎Schumer. “Most countries subsidize their athletes; the very least we can do is make sure our athletes don’t get hit with a tax bill for winning. After a successful and hard fought victory, it’s just not right for the U.S. to welcome these athletes home with a tax on that victory."

Because athletes are the only people Schumer can think of outside of Washington who work hard. Also interesting to see that Schumer does consider Federal taxation on hard work as a burden and penalty, but only to those he personally likes.

Only in Clint Eastwood's "Pussy Generation": (Careful on this one, because you won't be able to unsee it)

Men's Lingerie Is Here—and It's Super Lacy

"You know that feeling when your eyes burn because you've just seen something that now can't be unseen? Yeah, that's how I felt when I read this article about men's lingerie. File this under the same category as man buns—in the "just no" category."

Glad I could help backfill, @Stilton. Enjoy your week.

John the Econ said...

@Anonymous, if the current mass of evidence on the Clintons aren't enough to discount her as appropriate to be President, I don't know what possibly would be. For decades now, I've argued that if video were to emerge of Bill & Hillary Clinton gleefully clubbing baby harp seals, the establishment would instantly defend them as being selfless in doing so, and shaming us for not being more selfless like them.

@REM1875, unfortunately this is the very reason the left wishes to disarm lawful citizens. Many honestly believe that only if we were disarmed, we'd be more amicable to blackmail from the thug community.

@Judi King re ISIS: What difference does it make now? Of course it was. The Federal bureaucracy has been all-in for the left for over a decade now. So why should we expect anything other than happy BS on absolutely any topic that could possibly be embarrassing to Progressives? Heck, today they're still arguing that ObamaCare is a smashing success.

@CenTexTim, I find Wyoming a wonderful antidote to Progressive insanity. As Mrs. Econ oft repeats, "The mountains don't care".

David in SoCal said...

Here's a little sumpthin' to keep ya busy for a few: Write a letter of protest to the Commission on Presidential Debates, asking them to reschedule 2 of the three Debates that fall on a Sunday or Monday opposite NFL games; obviously to shield Screamery from the viewing public. Send it to: comments@debates.org or Janet Brown, Executive Director: jb@debates.org.

Joseph ET said...

What if Trump found some face saving medical condition that requires him to drop out? Would that make Pence the candidate for President and could name someone for the veep slot?

Note for Trump; Most of us learned by the age of ten that life is NOT FAIR. Get over it!! What’s fair for you may not be fair for me and vice versa. Republicans have always had to run against a biased media, deal with it. Quit your whining!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- I've never really understood the appeal of golf. I forget which wit described the game as "a good walk, ruined."

@Karen-n-Bill Hart- Once in office, those bad actors won't even NEED to give contributions...they can just threaten the release of her purloined emails which would give enough evidence to impeach her. I absolutely believe that anyone who owns those emails also owns Hillary. Assuming they don't have an "accident"...

@Geoff King- The health speculations (about BOTH Clintons) strike me as entirely plausible. As far as which one will get to Hell first, I'm guessing Bill. Unless Cheryl Mills and Huma Abedin suddenly pass away, in which case we'll know Hillary has sent her advance team to get things ready for her...

@CenTexTim- Actually, having scenic vistas and no news is a perfectly legitimate "reality" of its own, and quite likely a healthier one.

@John the Econ- I'm going to attribute the slime on the monuments to the "Dorian Gray Effect."

On Hillary: yep, she's preaching a trickle down economy but only after her intervening layers of bureaucracy have reduced a torrent of money to...you guessed it...a trickle.

On Schumer: BOOM! Nice catch on the hypocrisy/irony! Economic "winners" should be punished because they are, after all, only winners in "life's lottery." And yet people who win at actual games deserve to be protected from onerous taxation. Mind you, I'm fine with the idea of giving a tax exemption for Olympic medals, but I'm NOT fine with the taxation of gold, silver, and bronze medalists in entrepreneurialism.

On men's lingerie: well this is embarrassing! That's what I'm wearing right now...

And by the way, I'm not ducking duty all week. I just decided to give my psyche some TLC yesterday.

@David in SoCal- Better still, let's combine the games and debates into a single event. Hillary and Trump both need to be uniformed up and on the field at all times. They can debate policy at halftime if either of them is able.

Rod said...

Enjoy the break Stilt. I'm watching the Olympics if anything; and that's about the ONLY time I will watch NBC. Soros can keep funding the left; Hillary et al can keep lying; major media can keep changing the focus & covering. I don't give a shit. We can fast-forward to the election as far as my vote is concerned.

Bruce Bleu said...

I was going to make a snarky comment, then I noticed you didn't say "disparate", so I'll shut up.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I, personally, don't want to see another "entitled class" created by Schumer and the DEMs. Even though they are supposed to be, in most cases, amateur athletes, they are simply part of the entertainment industry. They get taxed for their medal? Wouldn't take a very bright accountant to ensure all the training expenses are deducted to the point that they now get a refund.

I go to work, I earn my salary, and I'm taxed on it. They go to work, they win medals worth as much as many earn in a year - why are they entitled to different treatment? (Yeah, I know: I'm a heartless bastard.)

As I said on Facebook regarding the Clinton's: I don't really care what ails them. I just wish it would hurry up...

Pete (Detroit) said...

Stilt, I'm thinking the golf quote is popularly attributed to Twain.
Never understood the appeal either, until I started to play. 15 years later, and still a beginner - ah, well.
Anon - nice that you consider the presence of golfers to be a hindrance to the "proper" use of the range - some would think it only adds to the fun.

"Mangerie" WTF?
and that's not WHAT but WHO, as in WHO the eff would pay $70 when you can get a 6-pack for $13...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Rod- As much pain as we'd avoid, I don't want to fast forward to the election. I think there are too many interesting things (as the Chinese curse goes) that can happen in the interim.

@Bruce Bleu- I'm sure your comment would have had significant impact.

@Emmentaler Limburger- I disagree (respectfully, of course!) While Olympic medals have a cash value, it's not anything the athletes can spend if it's hanging on the wall. To me, such medals are like a stock someone owns- it has value, but isn't taxed until it's sold and turned into cash. I'd treat the medals the same way: no taxation for winning one, but tax any proceeds from selling one. Make sense?

@Pete(Detroit)- I know plenty of golf addicts, so I assume there's something engaging happening out there on the greens.

John the Econ said...

Here's another indicator of the "Pajama Boy Pussy Generation":

Men Are Getting Weaker — because We’re Not Raising Men

"...the grip strength of a sample of college men had declined significantly between 1985 and 2016. Indeed, the grip strength of the sample of college men had declined so much — from 117 pounds of force to 98 — that it now matched that of older Millennial women. In other words, the average college male had no more hand strength than a 30-year-old mom.

Our culture strips its young men of their created purpose and then wonders why they struggle. It wonders why men — who are built to be distinctive from women — flail in modern schools and workplaces designed from the ground-up for the feminine experience. Men were meant to be strong. Yet we excuse and enable their weakness. It’s but one marker of cultural decay, to be sure, but it’s a telling marker indeed. There is no virtue in physical decline."


This is perhaps why an infusion of men from the Middle East may be an improvement. Oh, culturally it will be a disaster, especially for you women who are only a few generations removed from suffrage. But since your domesticated men have become so weak and emasculated, you won't be getting much say in the matter for much longer...