Thursday, January 13, 2011

Class Clowns

Following a valiant but ultimately futile fight for life following the tragic shootings in Tucson, journalism was officially declared dead yesterday.

For four days, the biggest story in the news was a story that
the press and politicians made up; that Jared Lee Loughner was influenced by a "climate of hate" created by conservatives who called for fiscal responsibility, transparency in government, and return to the principles of our Constitution.

And it wasn't easy for the press; in order to keep the story going, they not only had to manufacture their talking points, they had to ignore all of the real facts.

But yesterday, in the biggest unauthorized disclosure of "top secret" information since Wikileaks, a friend of Loughner's confirmed that he never watched the news and wasn't interested in politics. Meanwhile, the
Wall Street Journal (a newspaper which archaically still relies on facts) published Loughner's online rants in which he lambasted teachers and cops, claimed that college girls enjoy rape, and said that he was disturbed by his inability to find a job.

Sarah Palin has labeled the press's actions "blood libel," and she's exactly right. And while
Hope n' Change is strongly against curtailing free speech, we believe that libel should still be punishable in a court of law...and that every politician and member of the press who has babbled about the rightwing "climate of hate" in the past week should find themselves in the dock.

Although ironically, their actions have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that there
is a poisonous "climate of hate" being aggressively pushed in America.

And they're the pushers.

Lesson Two: This is not an elbow.


Rabo Karabekian said...

Royko, Murrow, Mencken are spinning in their graves. This government stenography lapdog so called journalism we have today isn't worth a can of beans.

Anonymous said...


Rick said...

Oddly enough, they have it 100% backwards. What drives me crazy enough to entertain thoughts of going postal is the Liberal Lamestream Media that never gets it and always disrespects me, my God and my Country. They are the real reason people are getting angry. If Civil War II ever does break out in the U. S. A. it will be because REAL AMERICANS have no other option. Oddly enough, Liberals love terrorists so maybe then they will love us - Naaaaaaaa, we will still be from the land they hate!

Anonymous said...

You mean 'in the dock, with their case on the docket'. But your grammar sends me :).

Suzy said...

I'm getting so tired of all this "laying aside our differences" (i.e. Reps go to the back of the bus) and "cool the rhetoric" (i.e. shut up and just obey the fuhrer)....I didn't watch the speech but the photos on Fox of the President and First Lady trying valiantly to "put on their sad faces" was enough for me. And then every media was reporting that Giffords opened her eyes immediately after Obama left, as if he were some sort of Messiah...was enough to make anyone sick. (She was probably just peeking to make sure he was gone. I would have.)

I read some comments yesterday that were certainly interesting...they are hailing the quick response to Rep. Giffords' injuries...which saved her life...American health care in action....could we say that 5 years from now, if it is not repealed? No less, her trauma surgeon was military who had spent time in the middle east (Yay for military).

This whole entire situation is just a twisted political mess. A little girl died. A judge died. I'd say we should just respect the dead and quietly get on with things...but the Democrats started this angry somehow it has to wrap up, too.

Chuck said...

"Lesson Two: This is not an elbow."

I can't stop laughing! I'll bet it was difficult to decide which picture to put there since the available appropriate choices could fill a gallery!

Laughter truly is the best medicine. Thanks Stilton!

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

I hesitate to argue with your assertion that the death of journalism occurred this week, but personally I think it died during the Clenis administration. What we are experiencing now are journalistic zombies, the walking dead, still stiffly plying their "craft" and feeding on the souls of the innocent. My proof: A living human would care about their credibility and cling to some shred of honor. A zombie only cares about its next meal.

Pete(Detroit) said...

A lovely speech. Don't know who wrote it, but they should be given some kind of award. Da Prez delivered it flawlessly, w/ help from TOTUS, of course.
The pseudo-melodrama of "good news! I walked into her room, and she opened her eye, and made a 'thumbs up'" was, indeed, more than a touch messianic. And considering he's basically been sucking one thumb, and warming the other all week, disturbingly ironic...

Mitch said...

I feel like I'm watching a game of "Telephone."

Suzy said she opened her eyes after Obama left, but now Pete "Quotes" the president as saying "I walked into her room, and she opened her eye."

Maybe if you paid a little more attention to the news, and less to the voices in your head you could get the stories straight, just sayin'

Anonymous said...

I think one of her eyes is bandaged, but I did hear the president say she opened her "eyes." Did he get his facts wrong, too? My nonmedical guess is the medication keeping her in a coma was reduced. I'm not going to presume there was any purposeful timing of that likelihood. I'm ok with the president's words last night. They weren't of historical importance, but if they helped comfort those in pain, that's good. I'll also guess that this is not the last we've heard about this incident from this president. I'm all ears. Loved Lesson Two. See? We're already being kinder and gentler.


Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- Our president has asked us to "speak in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds." But here you are, not even 24 hours later, throwing around hurtful words and sarcastically suggesting that other commentors hear "voices in your head," which is not only unnecessarily hurtful and argumentative, but seems to deliberately mock and belittle the pain suffered by the victims of Jared Lee Loughner's schizophrenia.

Mitch, just because the president is black doesn't mean you shouldn't at least try to respect his advice.

moronpolitics said...

A couple dozen of our fellow citizens are mowed down by a gunman. The President shows up a couple days later for a political rally compleate with new campaign type phrase, pamphlets and shirts built around said phrase and leads a cheering crowd through its paces. The Press, including most of talk radio, Fox News etc enthusiastically joins in -- showering him with praise. I feel like the only negro at a KKK rally -- I have to first turn the sound down to nothing and then switch to an old movie before I start projectile vomiting.

More and more I think I have been dropped off on the wrong planet. My only comfort is the knowlege I will die and die soon -- a small and weak one. If I live more than another 2 or 3 years I will be hopelessly poor, unable to work yet forced to spend every penny of my live long savings on "health insurance" -- back to living on mac and cheese dinners made with the giant blocks of cheap grease, scrambled eggs and baked potatoes until the cancer finished me.
At least I am not bitter.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

moronpolitics- It was the "State of the Union" type cheers, applause, and hoo-rahs from the crowd that I found most upsetting. Obama is a politician, and he was doing what politicians do (and frankly had a well-written speech).

But there was a time when a crowd of Americans would understand the solemnity of the moment... instead of destroying that atmosphere with pep rally style cheers. Sadly, they made clear that for too many people this isn't a tragedy as much as another enjoyable round of political blood sport.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Anonymous Grammar Corrector Person- You're quite right that I should have used "dock" rather than "docket" (and I've now corrected it).

Mitch said...

Mr. Cheese, I'm sure your readers appreciate you springing to the defense of their sanity, but one of them justifies "going postal because "...Liberal Lamestream Media that never gets it and always disrespects me, my God and my Country."

Really, some medium somewhere not "getting it" is sufficient to exact capital punishment?

I think, Mr. Cheese, that some of your readers have more in common with Jared Loughner than I do.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- Wow, even after reminding you of our president's wishes for healing speech, you're still on the attack. You must really hate black people.

Suzy said...

Mitch regarding your earlier post...its listening to the news that messed us up in the first place...initial reports were that she opened her eyes for Obama. Secondary reports are that she opened them after he left.

Current reports state she opened her one unbandaged eye for her husband and family and that her husband told Obama about it and asked him to share it with the public during his speech (or whatever).

The media was trying to make Obama seem like the Messiah...when in reality, now we find out that not only was the killer unrelated to politics and talk radio, but Obama had absolutely nothing to do with Giffords' improvement. that that's cleared can go back to listening to your OWN voices....

Pete(Detroit) said...

Mitch, you may be right - I may well have misheard the President when they re-played that clip this am. I fully admit to paying more attention to my razor and what it was doing. Taht having been said, it's well documented that when 'the greatest orator of our time' goes 'off book' accuracy and/or reality may take a beating (57 states, anyone?)So, whether I mis-heard or he mis-sequenced, the overall tone of that bit (I showed up, she woke up! A Miracle) was off putting.

As for who has more in common w/ the psycho shooter, perhaps you protest too much? I was not aware of anyone making that comparison, other than you commenting that perhaps I was hearing voices?
Is that worse than reading text that isn't there?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Suzy- Thank you for your accurate and healing words.

Mitch said...

January 13, 2011 7:42 AM Suzy said... "I didn't watch the speech but the photos on Fox [of course] of the President and First Lady trying valiantly to "put on their sad faces" was enough for me."

January 13, 2011 10:01 AM Stilton Jarlsberg said...
"Mitch- Our president has asked us to "speak in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds." But here you are, not even 24 hours later, throwing around hurtful words..."

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- Now you're deflecting. It's almost like you don't want the healing to begin.

Mitch said...

Mr. Cheese - I really don't have any time for any "healing" nonsense, I'm much too busy with my role in the International Chambers of Commerce to worry about any one nation's petty problems.

My particular area of expertise is invoved in convincing all attractive young men around the world to choose to be homosexual. The unattractive ones are more useful as cannon fodder in our various wars we used to fund the military-industrial complex.

Of course, that leaves vast numbers of attractive women in the world, whom we will sort into fertile and infertile. The fertile ones will be sent to re-fitted factory farms for breeding purposes, as I'm sure you know from the invitation we sent you, only the best and brightest people, like yourself, are invited to contribute precious bodily fluids to the breeding program.

The rest of the women will find useful occupations in arms manufacturing, service, in our restaurants and bordellos, cleaning our offices and lugging the recyclables to sorting centers, which will also employ them.

Thank you for continuing to do your part, Mr. Cheese, of keeping your people suitably distracted from the real issues coming down the pike.

You did get your invitation, did you not?

TheOldMan said...

If more people had opened their eyes when The Dear Golfer was around, he would not have been elected.

Mitch said...

It's really important to understand sources of information.

If you're listening to News/Talk radio in the morning and you hear something from the 'talk show host,' it's entirely probable that - unless the subject is something personal - the 'host' does not have first hand information on the subject.

It is a personal rule of thumb of mine that the further away a piece of news is from 'first hand,' the less reliable I expect it to be.

Having set that stage, here is Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz' first-hand description of the events, yesterday, in Rep Giffords' hospital room.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- I don't understand your ugly and, frankly, hurtful tirade against Gay citizens and Gyno-Americans... particularly on the heels of your disparagement of a black president.

Let the hate go, Mitch. Let Gabrielle Giffords fully awaken into a better and more civil world.

Anonymous said...

Poor ole' Mitch... LOL, practicing the art of pulling "The Full Alinsky" again... We can only hope that Mitch's local Sheriff has a closer eye on him than the buffoon in Pima County did on Jared Loughner.

Suzy said...

Mitch, go take a breathalyzer test....I think you're over the legal BAC limit for posting here...

Rick said...

Here is a great screw-up from Obama. You know how he turned the memorial into a "Look at ME" pep rally with the Together We Can Tee-shirts? Well if you go out to it's a site that links you to porno. HAHAHAHAHA what a screw-up. There is your next cartoon.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Anonymous (two above)- It is very caring of you to hope that someone is watching out for Mitch's welfare.

Suzy- how kind of you to ascribe Mitch's outburst to a temporary overindulgence rather than a character deficit. That's very healing.

Mitch said...

Well, Rick, you have uncovered even more evidence that Obama owns a time machine.

See, first he used it to go back in time and plant that fake birth announcement in the Hawaii newspaper. Now he's used it again to travel back to 12-02-2010 to register "" which is actually a placeholder and not a porn site at all, I know you were badly disappointed.

Rick said...

Mitch look at the URLs that it is promoting for sale- NextF*, F*, &

Pete(Detroit) said...

Stilt - How civil of you!

Mitch - "It is a personal rule of thumb of mine that the further away a piece of news is from 'first hand,' the less reliable I expect it to be."

Most reasonable thing you've said in ages. I have NO idea, nor did I claim to, as to the actual sequence of events. All I said was that the President's comments, as played back in his own words, seemed lame.

pryorguy said...

wow!!! exciting day here!!!!

Mitch said...

Well it's good news for you, Pete, that Al Gore's internets never forgets.

All you gotta do is search for the string "good news! I walked into her room, and she opened her eye, and made a 'thumbs up"" and if Mister Time Traveller from Africa said it, it'll be there.

Forgive me for not holding my breath.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Pryo, yeah, kicking trolls is silly, it just encourages them, but sometimes it's just so much FUN to tweak their tails

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- asserting that Obama's birth announcement is fake is divisive and the sort of talk that we hoped would be a thing of the past now. And then, in your very next post, you claim the president is from Africa instead of Hawaii! And as Bill Maher has reminded us, that's code for using the n-word.

Please Mitch, calm down. Drop your interest in porn. Put sugar in your words and love in your heart. Yes you can!

Butters said...

IF, after more FACTS are learned about what this nutjob assasin is all about,(which is nothing but being totally deranged), and lawmakers (R and D alike) continue on a course to take away our freedom of speech....we will know that the cliff this country is precariously perched upon right now is starting to give way, and into the abyss we will all go.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Butters- The idea that free speech should be limited to hushed drawing room tones and avoidance of disagreement pretty much negates the purpose of free speech. I doubt that much will come of the legislative assaults...but it's frightening that there are elected officials who even think its appropriate to go down that road.

Anonymous said...

I think Billy Joel summed up Mitch's variety of insanity with his masterpiece "Angry Young Man".

There's a place in the world for the angry young man

With his working class ties and his radical plans

He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl

and he's always at home with his back to the wall

He's proud of the scars and the battles he's lost

He struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross

And he likes to be known as the angry young man.

Give a moment or two to the angry young man

With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand

He's been stabbed in the back, he's been misunderstood

It's a comfort to know his intentions are good

He sits in a room with a lock on the door

with his maps and his medals laid out of the floor

And he likes to be known as the angry young man.

I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage,

I've found that just surviving was a noble fight

I once believed in causes too, had my pointless point of view

Life went on no matter who was wrong or right.

And there's always a place for the angry young man

With his fist in the air and his head in the sand

He's never been able to learn from mistakes

He can't understand why his heart always breaks

His honor is pure, and his courage as well

he's fair and he's true, and he's boring as hell

And he'll go to his grave as an angry old man.

[ From: ]

Who wants to place a bet that Mitch not only owns, but proudly wears, a "Che Guevara T-Shirt" on special occasions? I mean, after all, Htde wore one on "That 70's Show"... and Hyde was cool... right? Uhh, right?

Mitch said...

Mr. Cheese - Don't worry about me and porn, I still don't need glasses yet, I'll stop when I do.


However, I am deeply concerned (with the greatest of sugar in my words and love in my heart.) that you allow the Bill Maher to come into your home and you can actually repeat what he has said.

Or, perhaps, it's not so bad as I fear, and you only rely on second or third hand sources as to what Bill Maher may or may not have said, in or out of context. If so, I'm not surprised.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- Please, don't feel you have to call me mister. It's "doctor."

And actually, I try to never rely on anything but first hand news sources. And I never allow Bill Maher on my television set.

But, hoping against hope that the media was erroneous in its reportage, I did click on a linky which showed Maher's appearance with Larry King (and you can too!) in which he declares that "Kenyan means nigger."

I apologize to everyone for quoting such a dreadful word, but I was afraid if I altered or bowdlerized it, the quote might not be acceptable for your standards of admissable evidence.

So sadly, even Bill Maher is calling you out as a racist. And he probably doesn't even know about your whole gay-bashing, female sex farm, anger management issues - all of which you know about first hand.

Or, if you get tired, via your other hand.

Anonymous said...

Mitch. You are NOT an an elbow!

Anonymous said...

Pardon me. I meant PAIN in the elbow.

Anonymous said...

Doctor. You. Are. A. Genius.

Mitch said...

I'm hesitant to call you "Doctor," without reading the degrees on your wall, but since you are both Jarlsberg and Stilton, I'll just call you Cheeses.

So, Cheeses, after I lit a candle for Al Gore, I consulted the internets to look into your claim that Maher said "Kenyan means Nigger" (and, of course, it is offensive that a publisher has taken that word from "Huckleberry Finn" so it must not be offensive to use it, right Cheeses?

In point of fact, in the Larry King clip, Maher actually says "Kenyan is code for Nigger," which is only offensive if you're a clown in Bozell's Big Circus and you don't want it known that the Tea Party folks use code words and dog whistles.

You do understand that, don't you Cheeses?

Doc - Northern Nevada said...

As a journalist myself ... I always try NOT to post replies to those like Mitch. Mainly, because I refuse to get in a battle of wits, with an unarmed person. It is almost always a waste of time.
Keep up the good work Doctor Stilton!

Mitch said...

And yet, Doc, you did, as a journalist yourself.

And you dragged out a one liner I learned from my great grandfather.

Don't give up your day job, as a journalist yourself.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Mitch- This grows increasingly sad. I imagine the bitter salt tears that you weep while shaving your head and talking to yourself, and I ache for you.

You started the day by thinking the most important issue in the world was whether Congresswoman Giffords opened one eye or both eyes, and attacking anyone who didn't hear the single news source you cited.

You then seemed to think that you've produced an "aha!" moment when you say that "Kenyan means Nigger" is not the same as "Kenyan is code for Nigger." You assert that the word is not offensive (to which we really must take exception), and then speculate that the words Tea Party members use mean things that you can understand, but no one else does.

You refer to me as a journalist - a claim I've never even remotely made, and which I make explicit in the legal notice at the bottom of every page. This "journalist" is a phantasm; a figment of your tortured imagination.

And you seem confused by labels and identities in general. Mister or doctor? Kenyan or nigger? And of course there is your increasingly obvious anger directed at women and Gays (which is fairly easy to interpret), and your repeated attacks on the president's race.

After which you inject an oxymoronic statement about your great grandfather - with whom, as far as we know - you had some personal contact which may explain your confusion about relating to women and Gay men.

Please Mitch...take a deep breath, and decide that you're not going to hate yourself anymore. Because that's the first step towards being able to love others.

Remember: it's all about words that heal instead of words that wound. Which is why if anyone here calls you a douchenozzle, I shall give them a very firm reprimand.

Suzy said...

Wow Stilt. You may as well just open a chat board now. Mine is the record 49th reply...who'll make it 50?????

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Suzy- It's not about counting replies or words. It's about reaching out to help. And I'd like to think all our hard work today will help you-know-who understand that we're pulling for him, with love in our hearts.

Doc - Northern Nevada said...

Actually Mitch ... my comment was NOT in the manner of a reply to your posts, any of them.

However, this one is.

My original post on this days' cartoon was directed toward the relevant conversation, and for the interaction of others on this board.

Just so I might clear up any misunderstanding that might be going around in your obviously convoluted series of synapses ... my comment was directed to the group, but yes it was referring to you. Close, but not quite the same thing as responding directly to your postings.

Might I suggest you go back and reread your textbooks, and this time study the English language? Pay particular attention to 'sentence structure' and 'grammatical reference'. To be directed towards you personally, my statement required the addition of ONE WORD, which was notably absent. On purpose.

Other than this time, (Yes, this post is directed specifically to you) you will not normally find me responding to those who are so clear in the statements they make that it is obvious to all literate personages that they are personally and mentally unconnected from reality, and there really is no hope for ever redirecting their mental focus into something other than stirring the proverbial s@#! pot, in hopes of finding out if it still smells. Take my word for it, it does, and its' name is Liberalism. AKA Socialism / Communism / Progressive Democratic Party, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

Were it not for the fact that I am a nationally known, and often published, journalist I would have merely answered your last post with an old military acronym ... "F.O.E.S.A.D." Then again, that kind of short and concise answer would have merely been 'responding in kind' to your posts that obviously are disconnected from reality, and contain nothing but mindless 'scripted rhetoric', straight from the Socialists Playbook.

Doc - Northern Nevada said...

Did you zap my response to our friend Mitch? I posted it, refreshed and it showed posted ... then next refresh it went into la la land?
Or is it the 'net problem that is careening around the world right now, causing dns errors?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Doc - Northern Nevada- Nope, you weren't deliberately zapped from here (and I can't imagine a circumstance in which you would be).

Doc - Northern Nevada said...

anonymous directly above ... As usual,liberals miss the ENTIRE POINT! My guess is they have been drinking far too much of the Big O's kool-aid, which has obviously rotted the sensibilities out of their brains. Thsi causes them to immediately resort to MORE ACCUSATIONS and offensive statements when proven to be wrong and completely out of line!

It was NOT that they (the bought and paid for MSM) reported on it ... it was that they made up tales to make it more sensational and tried everything they could to focus blame on the big bad tea party and Palin! All of which have now been PROVEN 100% FALSE, but they could not wait to follow the messiah's orders and use every chance to demean and focus BS on the conservatives, so Obummer would look good! THAT is NOT journalism, it is self-serving PROPAGANDA!

THAT is the point being made herein! NOT the fact it was reported, as it should have been, but that the reports were full of conjecture, accusations, assumptions based on nothing but hate, and down right self serving lies!

Americans expect this kind of garbage from European and communist propaganda ministers and such ... but NOT from true journalists, who used to answer to things like personal and professional integrity. Unfortunately, far too many of my fellow writers now just follow the money and say whatever they are told to say! A VERY SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Doc - Northern Nevada & Readers- Doc was responding to an "Anonymous" poster who may have been Mitch, or may simply have been an asshole. In either case, I deleted the post. In essence, it claimed that conservatives are upset because the coverage of the Tucson massacre "reveals" rightwing opposed to our actual disgust that the Left would actually use the blood of innocents to try to stain the reputations of those they can't defeat ideologically.

Doc, your comment is right on target and was perfectly sufficient to deal with this troll. But since suffering trolls lately has proved to be a waste of time, I nuked his message.

And somewhere, a liberal in a red G-string is asking his mother for comfort.