Thursday, May 12, 2011

See Worthy



Osama bin Laden's son Omar bin Laden is now threatening to sue the United States for the "criminal" killing of his father, as well as the humiliation his family has suffered from the alleged burial at sea.

"My children will be unable to eat fishsticks, wondering if they are their grandfather's fingers," the berieved bin Laden wept, before adding angrily "And trips to SeaWorld?! RUINED!"

Okay, he didn't say those things...but we think the things he is saying are just as stupid. For one thing, while he's complaining about his father's funeral, he's also complaining that the U.S. has offered no proof that Osama is actually dead. Although reports of shark puke on the surface of the North Arabian Sea are considered compelling evidence in many quarters.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama continues to keep a tight grip on to his "death photo" of Osama... but is showing it off to a select few in Washington in much the same way a schoolboy might show his friends the porn magazine he keeps hidden under his mattress.

And adding a final surreal note to these post-Osama days, U.S. intelligence agencies would very much like access to Osama bin Laden's 3 wives who lived with him in Pakistan...but, if given that access, they're unsure how to make them talk.

Hope n' Change would like to humbly suggest that the wives simply be made co-hostesses on "The View." After a week, we'll be begging them to shut up again.

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16 comments:

Proof said...

One of bin Laden's new nicknames is "Chum". (I don't remember where I read that first, but it was great!)

John the Econ said...

Wait a minute; Did anyone else read that story? OBL's son's wife is photographed several times uncovered! So much for his belief in his father's cause!

So what is the greater humiliation? Being killed by Navy SEALS or having your kids reject your life's work?

robert said...

I say the US should settle out of court with the lad. Tell him that if he renounces terrorist activities and keeps his nose clean, we won't kinetically ventilate his melon.

Suzy said...

I'm simply running out of comments on the news these days...

Jim Hlavac said...

The whiny bum. Kill him too, collateral damage I think it's called.

And say, don't we have some Lesbian soldiers now? Those gals would make the wives talk, or else! They won't put up with not asking and telling anymore. And Muslim law will be respected, for the lezzies haven't even touched a man.

And say, if gay marriage leads to polygamy, how'd Osama get so many wives and yet no gay marriage in Pakistan? Just wondering about the logic, that's all.

(On a side note; I never could show my school buddies the mag I kept under the mattress.)

OK, enough jokes, I'm off to the dentist. Oh joy.

Pete(Detroit) said...

"The view" - I can just SEE that...

stopsign said...

lmbo!I enjoyed this post.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Michael- Truthfully, when I heard about the 40 minute Islamic funeral ceremony for Osama, after which his carcass was respectfully "slipped into the sea," I was really hoping that on the other side of the ship the sailors were filling the waters with chum.

@John the Econ- Yes, the younger bin Laden's wife was brazenly allowing her hair's sex rays to be seen by all. I was shocked - shocked!

@robert- you know, the phrase "kinetically ventilate" works even better with the addition of the word "melon." Nice!

@Suzy- At a certain point, it is hard to look at the news and respond in actual words instead of gutteral growls and howls. And for me, that point is until I've had my fourth cup of coffee.

@Jim Hlavac- apparently it's not hard to rack up (no pun intended) multiple wives over there. Osama's youngest wife was essentially purchased for $5000. Considering all the wives he already had, I'm thinking the money could have been better spent on a little redecorating of the crap hole he was living in. Some nice new sheets, some colorful throw pillows, bold art on the walls. Then again, Pakistan's low tolerance of Gays probably means their are no decent interior decorators available.

@Pete(Detroit)- I can almost hear Barbara Walters announcing "A vewwy speshoo week with the wives who woved and wost awweged tewwowist Osama bin Waden."

@stopsign- And I enjoyed trying to figure out what "lmbo" meant! If "butt" was a key word, then I deciphered it correctly. (grin)

TheOldMan said...

Multiple wives...ahhh, run for the hills! Oh the horror, the horror!! Think of all those MILs! There isn't enough whiskey in the world for that kind of abuse. What is wrong with those idiots? Ok I think I know...

robert said...

Stilt! you're way ahead of them. I just looked at the headline on the Daily Caller and it says "Gator Aid" GOP Rep ok with moats etc. More than likely you have at least one fan in Congress. Way to go! Now what was that bend allownce formula again...hmmmm...dum de dum de dum....

Anonymous said...

Gotta say Thanks! It's been a while since I laughed so hard that I cried.

The mental image of a shark reading the sports page while taking a dump was what did it.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Glad you enjoyed it! I've got to admit that the image pleased me too (especially when I mentally add the sound effects of the shark grunting and straining a bit).

Chuck said...

Liked this the first time, too (before the hosting problems that that will forever more be known as the Great Blog Crash of 511!


What's Osama's latest nickname?
Chum.

Reiuxcat said...

Heh, Excellent!

Reaganite Republican said...



Good schtuff, linked @ Reaganite Republican

/X-posted to Maggie's Notebook


Enjoy your weekend,


-RR-

TOTWTYTR said...

.but, if given that access, they're unsure how to make them talk.

Put them on The View?