Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Bones of Contention


obama, obama jokes, hillary, weiner, scandal, bill clinton, sex, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, tea party, conservative, Huma Abedin

Apparently, Hillary Clinton is livid because people are comparing the way she "stood by her man" (her cheating, philandering, sexually harassing, alleged rapist man) with the way Hillary's suspiciously close friend Huma "Death to America" Abedin is standing by her man - Anthony Weiner.

It seems that the Clintons believe that emailing penis-grams and sexy texts is far worse than actually screwing a long list of women, lying about it under oath, and spritzing semen all over the Oval Office ("Mommy, why does that painting of George Washington have a runny nose...?")

If Lewis & Clark had tried to find their way across America using the Clintons' moral compass, their bones would still be missing and moldering in some godforsaken Brazilian jungle.

In any event, Hillary is furious about Weinergate and the fact that she's getting splashback (so to speak). Which is why she's now angrily insisting that anyone who dares to compare the scandals is part of a "vast cock-ring conspiracy."


22 comments:

TrickyRicky said...

Stilton, Stilton, Stilton. You really have outdone yourself this time. Today's strip and commentary truly is the creme de la creme. So to speak.

Colby said...

Hey Stilton; I see your being a bit cocky today.

The bit about Washington's runny nose = coffee spew! "No Hillary, that's hair gel..."

Coon Tasty said...

@SJ - I'd be very surprised if Hillary could even recognise a penis; I doubt she's seen (a non-battery operated) one since May 1979.

George in Houtx said...

Colby!!! haven't you heard? 'man with hand in pocket feels confident. man with hole in pocket feels cocky.' sorry, couldn't resist! as I see it, the main difference between 'Slick Willy' and 'the Weiner' is that Weiner readily admitted to what he was accused of. Bill denied everything! he held out a lot longer. btw, I'm almost waiting to see if 'Ted Brist' responds to this. might be amusing!

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Ah, but your argument is limp without the Juanita Broaddrick bit. You know: rape and all that? Oh, I'm sorry - I guess in Newspeak, that'd be "undocumented consensual sex".

The Clintons really need to keep a stiff upper lip through this - I mean, it wasn't Weiner that thrust Willy's willy into the limelight. That was when it was entered into evidence that it, like Clinton himself, is bent irretrievably. To the left, we presume.

Democrats: ya gotta love 'em. Only in their minds would it make sense to defend themselves that their reprehensible behavior is less reprehensible than someone else's doing similar.

@Coon Tasty: No, no. She still recognizes Bill, Ă˜bama, Weiner, Reid. To your point, Reid may be battery operated, though.

(GREAT, Coffee Spew Award worthy post, Stilt!)

REM1875 said...

15 times a day vs less than 15 times in her life, no wonder shrillery is furious. Who the heck would want to shake hands with this man? Sounds like has a full time job already, not sure how he will have time to be mayor? I am sure as a democrat his mouth is watering over the opportunity to screw millions.
Perverts- The 4th leg of the democratic party?

PRY said...

Does anyone actually believe Weiner is done with his online weiner activities? It's akin to an addiction, so get ready, you lucky gals fortunate enough for some online dorkin'!

Also, Mr Liburager's comment..."Democrats: ya gotta love 'em. Only in their minds would it make sense to defend themselves that their reprehensible behavior is less reprehensible than someone else's doing similar" certainly captures the relativistic mindset that would, in days gone by, that I can still remember, would have made one hang their head in shame.

5c1502e0-f9f0-11e2-b93e-000f20980440 said...

So which Obama we talking about having a member? Barak or Mooch?

Reiuxcat said...

Well, I see my comment above is attributed to some nondescript random string. Oh well. ;-)

txGreg said...

@Reiuxcat: Sure it's just a "nondescript random string." I'm sure Chris Matthews can explain to us how it's really a clever form of "dog-whistle racism" from an evil white conservative. (/sarcasm)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@TrickyRicky- I just hope that the Dems don't get so pissed they send me to a penile colony.

@Colby- Yeah, that was a definite "There's Something About Monica" reference.

@Coon Tasty- Wasn't that the same time that Webb Hubbell decided to give up drinking?

@George in Houtx- I wouldn't say that Weiner "readily admitted" to his his "You've Got Male" messages. Initially he claimed that his Twitter account was hacked, he paid $40k to a private dick (so to speak) to find out who the "culprit" was, and was only dragged into confession kicking and screaming.

And I doubt we'll hear from Ted Brist. His side of the aisle has already made their position clear: every man cheats, every man lies about sex, and women are simply genitalia to be used for men's pleasure (and scraped out if they "allow" themselves to become pregnant).

@Emmentaler- I mentioned the "alleged rape," which I don't consider alleged at all. I just didn't find a good place to insert poor Juanita Broaddrick's story, but she deserves to be remembered. I believe her story that Clinton flat out raped her in a hotel room, bit her lip until it bled, then walked out of the hotel room assuring the shaken rape victim that she couldn't get pregnant because childhood mumps had left him sterile. This was two years before Chelsea was born (see the reference to Webb Hubbell above).

And here's a hat tip (can I say "tip" in the context of today's topic?) for all the fine puns and double entendres.

@PRY- Weiner is not going to stop doing this. He may, however, start using one of the services that claim they can erase your x-rated photos shortly after the recipient receives them. I'm not making that up - and it's sad that such businesses are thriving.

And like you, I'm sick of Dems "defending" themselves by pointing to worse behaviors. I'm sorry, but bank robbers don't get a pass for not being murderers.

@Reiuxcat- Man, am I glad I didn't have to type in that string of letters and numbers. Meanwhile, the NSA is feverishly trying to break your coded message (don't worry, the rest of us decoded it successfully, although you spelled "Vineyard" wrong).

@txGreg- Now we know how cursive looks to Rachel Jeantel.

PRY said...

Stilt...THEY HAVE THAT CAPABILITY? Oh, thank goodness!!! ;-)

Colby said...

Well, it doesn't look like ol' Teddy is going to chime in, so I'll be his surrogate.

"You are all a bunch of vile racists, and you probably all whack off to pictures of that bitch-whore, Palin, and eat beef and drive jacked up trucks! It must suck to think you're better than everyone else, when you're really just rich white bastards that want to keep black people down like your filthy slave-owner ancestors!"

How'd I do?

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Stilt: Turnabout is fair play: caught me scanning {/blush}

@Colby: You misspelled "ancestour", and didn't get anywhere near the required amount of spittle on your keyboard and monitor - but otherwise: perfect job!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@PRY- Yes, although I don't need to use it. When I send out photos of my glorious nakedness, people erase them of their own free will.

@Colby- Wow, that's impressive! Can you also do John Wayne and Jimmy Cagney?

@Emmentaler- You've reminded me of a t-shirt slogan I created and haven't done anything with (maybe it's time?). The slogan: "Turnabout is Foreplay." I'm not exactly sure what it means, but it's probably dirty.

txGreg said...

@Stilton: probably even dirtier in some way if you combine it with one of my favorite Yes songs: "Roundabout is foreplay."

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Haha! With the political class, the campaign is foreplay. They don't really get to screw us until after they're elected...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@txGreg- In all seriousness, YES is one of my favorite bands.

@Emmentaler- Isn't that the truth!

Coon Tasty said...

@SJ - Unofficial slogan of the Democratic Party :

"What Would Judas Do?"

SusieBee said...

@Coon Tasty - a better slogan might be, "What Would Lucifer Do?" He seems to be running the Democratic Party these days.

Buck O'Fama said...

Good grief the commentary was even funnier and more biting than the cartoon. That such pathetic figures exist as public servants does not shine a favorable light on the IQ of the average voter.

Bruce said...

I see a plethora of "spit-takes", mostly coffee, and I add one with Cherry RC!
Both Weiner, Willy and "Shrillery", (LOVE that moniker), will get their "cum-uppance". Answer me this... how come when someone says "speaking of witch", the next comment isn't about Shrillery?!
If Weiner contracts Parkinson's disease maybe it will replace his Twit er "spank-the-monkeyshines"
Reiuxcat made reference to whether Barak (lamont) or Mooch (magilla) has a "member". Since the revelation of magilla's "gorilla vulva", I think a case can be made for the latter. http://www.ihatethemedia.com/why-is-everyone-staring-at-michelle-obama-lap
And, lastly, why is Chelsea Clinton so "aesthetically challenged"?... because Janet Reno is her father!