Monday, February 24, 2014

Technical Difficulties

Readers- Sorry, no cartoon or commentary today because I'm waging a man vs. machine war against one of my computers. It is my experience that once a computer tastes your blood, it will always be a danger unless you immediately whip it into abject submission.

I usually accomplish this by repeating the same feckless actions over and over, shouting obscenities at the computer and drinking hard liquor.  If this fails, I will call tech support and ask them for additional obscenities in Hindi.

See you Wednesday (or sooner)!  -Stilton

24 comments:

Steve Burri said...

Hurry back!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Steve Burri- I'm more or less back already; the computer in question isn't my main computer, but I lost so much time futzing around with it (some sort of arcane wifi tomfoolery) that I had no time left to really immerse myself in the news or create anything on Sunday.

Knowing that the problem exists, I can schedule around it - so I can't foresee any problem with hitting my usual Wednesday deadline.

Geoff King said...

Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Stilton: lotsa experience with pcs and home networks; and a masters in the dark art of computer science as credentials. Though I can't walk across the street as I do to help my best friend and fellow HNC devotee, you know my email addie if I can assist via remote means.

Sunnybrook Farm said...

Just contact NSA, they will have a backup of all your stuff!

Grafton Cheddar said...

Stilton, with computer issues, I have found the "flog method" to be sometimes useful, but always satisfying.

FrankieForex said...

I consulted the Magic 8 Ball and it keeps saying, try again. See you Wednesday, and good luck!

Colby said...

When I have computer trouble, I call the 13 year old grandson. If he can't figure it out, we get his 10 year old brother involved. If you don't have either of these resources, call your local middle or elementary school, tell them to send one over to your house. I guarantee the cops will get your computer working.

Chuck Ef said...

Yeah, the great horror of my meager world - a computer that doesn't obey. Even if one is just futzing. Had that problem yesterday with Excel and my taxes. I submitted. Good luck, Doc, and post a tonic soon.

bocopro said...

It's a bitch, ain't it, when your personal computer tells you to mind your own business.

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs have made us able to make more mistakes faster than anyone else in history, except perhaps Sam Colt and Jose Cuervo.

Just remember, tho, that some computers might be able to kick your ass at chess, but most of 'em ain't worth a damn at kick boxing.

Pete (Detroit) said...

As a professional tech support person for nearly 20 years, one of my favorite summaries of a problem's resolution was "User error - reset user"...
Surely not the case in this case, but hopefully a little perspective.
Good luck and God bless...
Oh, and if you are looking for fodder, John Dingel (isn't it NICE when you have your own berries names after you?), the longest sitting US reprehensitive EVER is retiring. Possibly also John Conyers - rumor is, he's tried to file the paperwork to run w/ the school board, not the election commission. Of course, in Detroit, "what difference at this point does it make"

Cookie said...

I simply have to admit that my coworker and I are having a great time with all the computer jokes on here today, especially since our computers are temporarily (?) down at the moment. At least all is not lost without the great cartoon and commentary by Stilton. But I definitely will look forward to Wednesday.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Pete: You missed that Karl "The Eternal" Levin is actually retiring! I guess he's done all the damage he possibly can to the country. And you missed that the yutz wanting his spot is calling a leukemia patient who lost her insurance due to DemocratCare (After all: not one republican voted for it...) a damned liar, and all of the television stations carrying the ad she is in should lose their licenses! Not that that sounds any more stalinist than anything else that party has come out with lately... Shoot! I expect Peters to win the nomination: he's demonstrating a rich abundance of all the qualities the DNC values...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Reading all the comments here today, it strikes me that I make Hope n' Change more complicated than it has to be: instead of politics, I should just blog about computer woes and cute puppies (grin).

I appreciate the offers of tech support (and moral support) but am narrowing down the possible causes of my problem (failure to connect to a wireless network) to a likely hardware issue.

The good news is that I can probably circumvent the problem by replacing the wireless connection with an Ethernet cable. The bad news is that this means I need to wade into the nightmarish jungle of wires behind my desk, machete in hand. If I run into Dr. Livingston, I'll let you know.

John the Econ said...

To fill the void: The President is preparing his new budget. Since the economy is now booming and ObamaCare is such a resounding success, Obama will be calling "an end to austerity":

http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/with-2015-budget-request-obama-will-call-for-an-end-to-era-of-austerity/2014/02/20/332808c2-9a6e-11e3-b931-0204122c514b_story.html

Seriously? The national debt will have literally doubled during his tenure, and yet at some point during his administration, they were practicing some form of "austerity"?

Egad! The national debt is now over $53,000 per person! What would it be be had they actually been what they'd consider profligate? $206,000?

I'm trying to laugh. I really am. The only "era of austerity" I'm familiar with is the one my family has endured as we've diverted our stagnant income from the things we'd like to spend and invest on to things we have little control over, like taxes and our now-doubled health care costs.

So what will the "end of austerity" entail?

"Instead, the president will focus on pumping new cash into job training, early-childhood education and other programs aimed at bolstering the middle class, providing Democrats with a policy blueprint heading into the midterm elections."

Oh, more of the same worthless crap the Democrats have been wasting money on for generations now.

When will the sainted "middle class" figure out that the more money the Federal government spends in their name, the worse off they keep ending up?

Ah, but it's not the "end of austerity" for everyone. Defenseless secretary Hagel announced today a military drawdown that will take the US to the lowest levels of preparedness since before WWII. (And we all know how well that worked out!) Hear that China & Russia? We're done with it. It's all yours now.

Oooh, just had a cartoon idea for Stilton once he gets his wifi fixed. Think Olympic speed skaters and the supposedly defective suits vs "global warming"...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- You're right; Obama calling for an "end to the era of austerity" is the head-exploding statement of the year. Or maybe the decade. Seriously, there just aren't enough F's in WTF?! to express how insane this is.

And I actually DID want to do a cartoon about the Olympics for today (before the bytes hit the fan). The general concept was going to be Putin taking the most gold medals at Sochi, but losing the prize he wanted most: Ukraine.

@Readers- CAUTION: Boring tech talk ahead.

My computer problem was an old G4 Mac which wouldn't talk to my wireless router anymore. After much gnashing of teeth, I figured out that the Airport card it uses won't work with my new router's security protocol (WPA2). Ever. So it seemed like an Ethernet cable would be the simple fix. But nooOOoo.

It turns out the computer's Ethernet port doesn't work, which is why I installed the wireless card in the first part. So I just ordered a replacement PCI Ethernet card which should get here Wednesday, giving me roughly 48 hours to buy more liquor to prepare for the installation battle.

None of this will affect Hope n' Change, as I actually do all of my creative on a more au courant iMac. But I need connectivity to the older computer because of the way I've archived the files for Johnny Optimism. And because I'm a cheap bastard who never throws anything anyway. My "era of austerity" is still going strong.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Everyone who lives in the real world is still living in the "era of austerity". Obviously, that excludes a w-h-o-o-o-l-e lot of Demo_Rats.

REM1875 said...

We prefer the term econo-MISER although somehow most in our home pronouce it -bless his heart, that old cheap ass, penny pinching, skinflint bastard- I think it's the Texas twang that makes it come out sounding that way.

Unknown said...

They can smell fear, Stilton.

Colby said...

Awesome! The looooong dark days of penny pinching are finally over by royal decree of HRH Barack the Zeroth! Whoo Hoo...pass the MD 20-20! Perhaps now the Colby family will find out what it's like to eat something besides ramen noodles and bread sandwiches (a slice of bread between two slices of bread).

Oh, wait... I just realized that HRH Barack the Zeroth is talking about himself not having to suffer budget vacations now because nobody on K Street has the nuts to challenge him anymore. If we thought his monthly vacations were lavish before, just wait and see what they're like without austerity!

Oh, and by the way, happy 62nd to me. Only 8 more years until retirement. Maybe... 12 years tops....

John the Econ said...

Imagine this conversation with your spouse: “Hey hon. I just bought a new boat."

“WHAT!?!?!?”

Well, it’s only 30 feet. I was going to buy the 50-foot one, but we’re being austere.


So now I guess we're buying the 60-foot one.

Pete Madsen said...

Your cartoon reminded me of the old definition of hardware: That portion of a computer system that can be kicked.

Hey, how did you make my SSN your captcha?

graylady said...

Try shaking a hammer and screwdriver at the device in a threatening manner. Always works for me..... unless something's really wrong. Then I get my son, the IT spec. to come over.

Anonymous said...

First lesson on computers:
You MUST teach it who is boss.

I favor picking it up off the table and dropping it three inches, very subtle.

Others favor using a 4 foot 2x4, but that tends to leave marks on the PC.