Friday, July 25, 2014

TGIF It

Eat your heart out, Tony Stark

Hope n' Change is taking the day off owing to the stringent requirements of our "Vow of Sanity."

Seriously - more plane crashes, more anti-Israel rhetoric, more IRS obfuscation, more Boko Haram violence, more presidential fundraisers, more of everything that (as Aristotle once quipped) "blows donkey dicks." Although admittedly, that phrase sounded a lot more urbane when he said it in the original Greek.

So we're spending the day cleaning the vast Hope n' Change office complex while listening to  relaxing New Age music (if you have Amazon Prime, you can listen to the same album for free!) and sipping decaf.

And by "decaf" we mean cheap box wine (but we checked - it's caffeine free.)

Enjoy your weekend and, if you happen to see me lumbering down the street in the metal suit above, give me a "shave and a haircut" knock on the helmet when it's safe to come out.    -Stilton


48 comments:

Frankie said...

Don't know when it will be safe to come out but we have a case of
"WD-40" to help with those pesky squeaks...... HAGW

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, perhaps you should find out what kind of reality-proof suits they're wearing at the White House, where John Earnest says that Barack Obama has actually "improved the tranquility of the global community."

Really. They must be consuming some serious stuff there.

Let's see, Putin's thugs shoot down an airliner. Hamas has been tossing missiles into Israel again, provoking a predictable response. ISIS is violently purging Iraq of Christians and non-conforming Muslims. Even though the media has been distracted, Syria is still in chaos, the "red line" long since being crossed. Boko Haram continues to expand their footprint in northern Nigeria, killing and kidnapping as they go. Oh, and we've got a state of emergency going on at the southern border.

(Actually, that one was easy for Obama; request $3.7 billion to throw at the problem, or approximately $74,000 per invader/refugee. What? Are we buying each of them a Tesla for the trip home?)

And as I've said here before, it's the 100th anniversary of the beginning of WWI, where the global situation was far more sedate in 1914 than than things are now.

Oh, and the 9/11 Commission (who knew they were still around?) issued a new warning this week that the "complacency" that led to 9/11 "is happening again."

If this is Obama's notion of "global tranquility", then what must chaos look like? The killing fields of Verdun? We may get to find out.

And I certainly recommend that you do not allow anything Henninger has published lately to penetrate your new clothes.

Happy weekend.

TrickyRicky said...

Don't worry Stilton, it's safe, it's very, very safe. Just ask Dustin Hoffman.

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=marathon+man+movie&qpvt=marathon+man+movie&FORM=VDRE#view=detail&mid=30A93AC23CE9AD3B8F1E30A93AC23CE9AD3B8F1E

Bruce Bleu said...

Holy MOLEY, Stiltman... looked it up in the original... φυσάει γάιδαρος ψωλές, and sure enough... you were right... it's MORE hilarious!!! (yes, yes... AND more urbane)
BTW, your "gnu's-proof suit" looks like the furnace in "Home Alone".
But I am afraid that you will NOT hear the "shave and a haircut" drum-roll on your helmet any time soon, (or any OTHER Korean surname), because lamont has made it illegal to be safe.
Sorry, buddy... elections have consequences (until elections are OUTLAWED)!

Omar al Tikriti said...

Hey, "blows donkey dicks." My jihad buddy Abdul is wondering about this. Maybe you send this to desert? We never did get those Double-Doubles as promised as payment for not converting to Islam. But this other thing you are talking about will do, Abdul says. But he, unlike me, is so easily pleased ...

Geoff King said...

Not to worry! According to his Lordship, the US economy has never been better:
http://dailycaller.com/2014/07/24/obama-its-pretty-hard-to-find-an-economic-measure-where-were-not-significantly-better-off/?advD=1248,231497
Now we can all rest easy knowing that the staggering unemployment, the record number of businesses collapsing or moving overseas, and the huge number of people now on some form of government assistance are all fictional. We are all living in the lap of luxury. Øbama says so.

Gorbachev said...

Hmmmm ... Geoff King.

You sound satirical. That might displease HIs Holiness, the Master of All He Surveys, the Imprimatur Of All That Is Good And Just, He Whose Scheiße Smells Like Lotus Buds, The Golfer In Chief As Rome Burns. I would suggest you consider this carefully - friendly advice.

And no, I was not talking about Biden, Pelosi, Reid, McCain .... or whatever.

BTW, since the readership here believes so much in the power and efficacy of government bureaucracy and spending, I offer this tidbit.

Neal Hilistic said...

Ha! The Medieval returns! Time to party folks. Be thankful for your president, for your progressives! For indeed, this IS progress. Lizzy Warren, Omar is looking for YOU.

Anonymous said...

In other words, the author is going to spend another day drinking himself into oblivion. Seriously, check out a good recovery center or twelve-step program. Your liver will thank you.

Anonymous said...

A box of cheap wine will do the trick, but remember Hard Times demand Hard Liquor. And Liquor is quicker (quiquor?)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Frankie- WD-40 is so good that I'm grateful the inventor didn't give up when the first 39 WD's failed.

@John the Econ- Yeah, to hear this administration tell it, the world is tranquil, our borders are secure, and the economy is booming.

And regarding the "complacency" which could lead to another 9/11 (or worse), I think this president would welcome such an event.

@TrickyRicky- Hmm, maybe I need to replace my desktop bottle of whiskey with oil of clove...

@Bruce Bleu- Oh, Aristotle was quite the rib tickler back in the day.

And I don't expect the news to turn good anytime soon; I just need the metal suit until my skin can thicken a bit more.

@Omar al Tikriti- I believe that instructions for the process were relayed to your brothers in Hamas, but there was a translation problem - which is why rather than blowing a donkey, they recently blew up a donkey. A clarification will be issued as soon as possible.

@Geoff King- Yes, everything in the economy is rosy as long as you know where to look, and (more importantly) where not to look.

@Gorbachev- I'm sure that Barry knows that all of the comments here just amount to good natured joshing. No wait, that's the name of the new White House Press Secretary...

@Neal Hilistic- The persecution and murder of Christians by ISIS is a good example of that "global tranquility" that Obama has effectuated.

@Anonymous- I'm already IN a 12-step program, but step one is "stop drinking when progressives stop being ignorant assholes." So you've just delayed my recovery by another 24 hours.

And speaking of livers (he segued deftly), there's an excellent piece in the Wall Street Journal today about Obamacare denying an expensive but miraculously effective drug which can actually cure sufferers of Hepatitis C because the high cost doesn't allow the healthcare plans to spread their budgets as thinly as they'd like to get the most populist bang for the buck.

Ironically, the drug treatment - while expensive - is actually cheaper in the long run because it cures the condition and prevents future expenses. But under Obamacare, "future expenses" aren't really being weighed - only today's bottom line. Which is why so many people with this serious liver disease will die because Obamacare denies them a better, cheaper, and permanent alternative treatment.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous 2- Boxed wine is good for sipping and casual relaxation. Corbett Canyon Chardonnay on ice is the current beverage of choice.

Hard liquor is reserved for later in the day, and/or emergencies (like, accidentally hearing Barry's voice on the radio).

Judi King said...

The greater the civilization, the greater the fall. Hence the "dark ages". which, I think, is what the progressives are aiming for. They, of course, will be the new "lords" in charge of the serfs(us). Drink away!

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

@Stilton: Just lay back with some Gentleman Jack and put on some Jerry Jeff:

Getting’ By – The Ballad of Hill and Bill
Democrats Waiting For A Brain – Dedicated to Debbie Wassermann-Schultz
Pelosi’s Whine – CAUTION – on a continuous loop, must be manually rejected
Little Bird – EPA’s nationalizing anthem
Whup It Out - The Ballad of Carlos Danger
Up Against The Wall, Racist Mother
Backsliding Rino’s wine
London Homesick Blues – I will not make a parody of the unofficial Texas National Anthem!

Gorbachev said...

But Stilton, what are you talking about? They wasted all of that money on that Air Force program described in that link. Is that not good enough for you? Liver treatments?! Who needs liver treatments when all of this talk of tax increases is just to feed the overpaid lazy bureaucrats! It has nothing to do with anything productive or useful. You, me, we are all here to feed Leviathan. This is the ultimate truth in life. Submit! [Our intelligence people tell me that is Obama's favorite phrase, BTW. Just saying. Though we can never really tell in our intercepts whether it is he, Michelle, or Eric Holder who is speaking - or maybe it is Harry Reid?]

And speaking of which, avoid Omar - really. He and his ilk, according to our intelligence, are REALLY into this donkey blowing thing. This, according to our experts in psychology, explains their zest for violence. Religion is just their cover story. ["Gorbachev" is a cover for my TRUE identity.]

This message will self-destruct in 10, 9, 8 ... vodka!

Anonymouseseses said...

YEAH!

Anonymouseseses said...

Hey, here's a shocker for Judi King et al. Younger, less informed, less educated, Democratic. Kinda all fits, no? In fact, those four things are all redundant with each other. Democratic = less educated= less informed = younger.

I LOVE insulting progressives. Stupid morons.

Judi King said...

Truth is rarely shocking.

A Mindful Webworker said...

Tony Stark? I thought this was from that Batman movie. Note the "nipples" on the suit. Yeah.

Anonymouseseses said...

Mindful Webworker,

Oh man, that is one truly sick mind - I never noticed "nipples" on the robot. I will be having nightmares tonight. Thanks a lot.

CenTexTim said...

Grumpy Curmudgeon +1

Eduardo de los Flácidos said...

Some Friday night humor from Sooper Mexican!

http://soopermexican.com/2014/07/22/rachel-maddows-fans-are-very-upset-that-she-said-communism-doesnt-work/

How funny these American Communists (the "progressives") are. Never been tried .... and absolute power never corrupts. Eh, putas?

And I am Venezuelan, in the event that Florida Republican, Clawson, is reading this. Frankie - I think he needs your help.

Marx G. said...

"Otherwise, why do we need a president? And why did you seek to become ours?" The Wise One, Krauthammer.

John the Econ said...

Yes @Stilton, I have been following the absurdity regarding the Hepatitis-C treatment. It's just another example of the absurdities that take place when you mix politics with health care.

The interesting thing is that there are several times more Hepatitis-C sufferers than there are, say, AIDS sufferers. But the political establishment wouldn't dare question the cost of a $1000-a-pill AIDS treatment that actually saved lives.

So what's that about? My suggestion to Hep-C people is to up your profile, establish yourself as a worthy victim class, and get to lobbying. After all, that's what getting decent health care in the future is going to be all about. Again, this is another example of what socialism does to a society; where everyone loses interest in the big picture to instead focus on their personal needs...

American Cowboy said...

@John the Econ

Just for kicks I am going to try to sound like the typical brist.

All the things you mentioned in your comment at 5:43 AM are "phony" events made up by Fox news and the conservatives.....

Oh hell, I can't continue, even in jest, with that line of (un)reasoning.

Maybe a few gallons of "coffee" just to clear the taste out of my mouth?

PRY said...

Great to see everyone laughing to keep from crying as things are getting so dire as to be ridiculous! Plus, as anyone with a base knowledge of history knows, this nation is in BIG trouble.Nikita Kruschev said we would go down from the inside and not from an outside threat and we are watching that happen as we live. No easy fix here. Hard to remember, God, not Allah or Obama, is still in ultimate control!

One of the patriots above suggested praying for America, I second that strongly!

David in SoCal said...

@Mindful Webworker: Obviously you were a breast-fed child if you appreciate/drool over the turgid nippleage on the Dive Suit. That does not, however, make you a bad person, just different.
@Stilty: While you are out jogging in your 1911 Macduffee Aluminum Alloy Diving Suit, don't forget the Aluminum Foil hat accessory to block your Constitutional thoughts.
I also believe WD40 is a miracle invention. My Dad would spray it on his knees to help with Arthritis. Around the year I was born, the Larsen's lived down the street from the SoCal parents' house in San Diego. My Mom was den mother to the Larsen boy(s). One day Mrs. Larsen came to our door, asking if my Mom would like to buy a comforter/quilt to help fund her husband Norm's new fledgling business; the 'Rocket Chemical Company'. Mom bought the quilt and gave her a few extra bucks as well. That little business became the WD40 Co. So, since my family were start-up 'investors', where's MY WD dividends dammit?!

PRY said...

You might enjoy seeing a terrorist and his friends and their unfortunate experience...I certainly did..click my name.

Schmaltzer Cronkite said...

Household wealth down by at least a third, an $18T deficit, we are being invaded from the South, and then we have this. Hey that is important, since the feds don't give a damn about anything else. Is Obama on the golf course again? Did he do anything other than golf? Take a dump or two maybe?

And the there is this, just in. Real important stuff - unlike the anti-semitism that is all the rage in Europe these days - coming to America I am sure.

This is what I get for looking at Drudge on a Global Warming hot and boring Saturday.

Where is my diving suit? And whiskey, oh yeah, whiskey.

Exit question: Is "transgender woman" as much an oxymoron as "democratic communism"? I am so confused ....

Schmaltzer Cronkite said...

Gee - I was feeling down a moment ago PRY. Thanks for that post. I posted while your were posting. I do feel better now.

What fun these Muslims. Party hardy, Islam - do more of this and then we won't have so much to worry about you.

Exit question #2: Why did they leave his vest on while they were "celebrating" him? Um ... just confused.

Geoff King said...

Interesting concept. Øbama may now want to be impeached in order to give Democrats a better chance in the Mid-term elections:
http://mobile.wnd.com/2014/07/congressman-at-border-obama-begging-to-be-impeached/

Dodger Blues said...

Geoff King,

Yeah, I have read elsewhere that this the reason the Repubs are holding off on anymore talk of impeachment - you know those evil Repubs, the Dems would say. I really dislike the Repub "leadership" but they are caught between a rock and a hard place. The LoFo simply does not understand (and the press will not facilitate) that the President is an executive, one that is supposed to implement what the Congress declares in law - the president isn't supposed to legislate (or regulate unilaterally). Obama's overreach is clearly extralegal, extraconstitutional, and therefore impeachable.

But politics and the electorate being what it is ....

Geoff King said...

I can see a possible scenario whereas the House starts Impeachment proceedings, only to be struck down by the Senate. Then the Demorons would say "see, we told you he was Lord and Savior", and get off their welfare butts to vote for any other Demorat in the running, because His Eminence told them to.

SoCal Hawking said...

OK you schmucks, you better listen to your scientists. They KNOW. They are unbiased. They would certainly have no interest in speculation for political purposes. Nope. They be scientists!

That is why the models they use for this purpose have done so well in predicting things regarding climate change (AGW is what they really mean though). That is why, when one goes looking for all of this "science", it is all right there for anyone to peruse, even idiots like us. Right? www.dontlookhereaintnothingtosee.com

And besides Charlie Crist and the Huffington Post, you can trust those guys. Yeah ...

Geoff King said...

I don't know about everyone else's experience, but I have noticed an extreme warming trend over the last 6 months. Back in February, I could not leave home without several layers of clothing. Now, in July, it seems any amount of clothing is excessive. I can only hope that the recent coldest temperatures ever recorded in Antarctica somehow partially make their way up here in, I don't know, another 6 months or so.

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

As Admiral Ackbar said, Its A Trap!

The House votes the Articles Of Impeachment, the Senate tries. Until we regain the majority in the Senate in 2014 there is no hope unless The Lightbringer has a WMD go off. This is all being produced by Obama's cronies, David Pheiffer leading the charge. The Dem's are panicking at the thought of losing the Senate and are willing to do anything. Better for the House to cut this SOB's pursestrings, make all his fundraiser be by motorcade, tie his administration lackeys up in endless Congressional Investigations. Resistance Is Not Futile!

SoCal Hawking said...

Well, I hope you are correct Mr. Curmudgeon. Me? I think we're all screwed. But that's just me.

Mr. King - Yeah, I agree. The warming trend is getting fairly awful. But in my few years on Earth so far, you know I have detected this same sort of thing every year! Mostly about this same time! Maybe I am a scientist too maybe? Or am I just reading too much into coincidences? I dunno.

And now for a racist cartoon. You can NEVER criticize a black man gentleman. NEVER. Don't ever forget that. Look at Maher's take on the current issue of NR and that "scientist" Tyson Corners or whatever his name is. He's actually an over-paid actor portraying an astrophysicist on PBS. Well, OK maybe he has a Ph.D. but you get my point.

BTW, Ph.D is in fact latin for "you now have a sheepskin, speculate with impunity sparky." I read that somewhere.

Anonymous said...

Just some advice. Pelosi and Soros are looking for you, you know.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- As usual, even when I bail on my duties here, the rest of you fill the page with fun and fascinating observations. Not to mention ruminations on robot nipples (which are essential if you have to attach jumper cables in cold weather).

Also interesting are these odd remarks coming from the White House practically begging for impeachment. It's very much like Brer Rabbit saing "don't throw me in the briar patch," and believe me I'm going to try to make that into a cartoon soon.

Obama is certainly guilty of impeachable offenses, but the process can't possibly work - and it would totally energize the lofo (mofo?) Democrat base for the midterms.

If, however, Barry continues issuing executive orders in hopes of ATTRACTING impeachment procedings, he shouldn't get away with it. Mind you, I'm not calling for a nice peaceful military coup (that would be wrong, that's for sure) - I'm just saying that it would be fun to see the look on Barry's face if it happened.

Geoff King said...

Speaking of Al Gore, I personally watched a crew cut down 250 year old Pinyon Pine trees to erect a podium so he could dedicate the Escalante Staircase National Monument of Utah. Only problem is, the Dedication Ceremony took place at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon in Arizona. It seems that the Escalante region of Utah contains the world's largest known deposit of Lignite coal (the cleanest burning, most efficient coal there is). By coincidence only I'm sure, the second largest deposit is in IndoChina, owned by the corporation that paid the most money for Bill Clinton's re-election campaign. The local shaft mining economy in Utah was destroyed, which may explain why he dedicated a totally useless piece of land, without any scenic value in a state that abounds in glorious views, from the next state over. At the dedication ceremony, the cameramen were instructed to only show the upper portion of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, so that when Al spoke people would see a beautiful background without realizing that it had nothing to do with the desolate piece of real estate that he stole from a totally different state.

Eduardo de los Flácidos said...

MoFo - Ha!

Let's face, Señor, as another of your readers said with respect to Obama, estamos jodidos! [Note: think Google Translate.]

And now, more SooperMexican! "Actually it just makes me want to drink more. Here I thought the sun was our friend, and now science tells me it’s trying to kill me and take away my iPhone. Thanks, science."

And more from Sancho Panza! Why not, he's great. "Nothing says insightful political analysis like a frownie face. =("

Sorry, Señor, he cracks me up, like you do. BTW, Barry would not notice the thing you are talking about - he would be out golfing and couldn't care less. He retired, remember?

Geoff King said...

K. I know no one was actually speaking of Al Gore, but whenever the topic of Global Warming pops up, I can't help but think how that man, with his private Lear Jet and 3 mansions with the carbon footprint of Rhode Island can possibly sleep at night.

Wahoo said...

Off topic, but saw where, now that weed (aka "devil's lettuce," "muggles") is legal in Colorado, the welfare cheats are using their EBT (Electronic Benedits Transfer) cards to get stoned at taxpayer expense. Though EBT cards are intended for purchase of staples only, I gather that most shops have ATM machines on premises, and the welfare cheats simply withdraw their cash and walk out with their free bud. Is this a great country, or what?

I suppose when the federal gov't starts regulating the pot industry, the FDA will require them to list the ingredients and calories on each bag.

Wahoo said...

In fairness to the welfare cheats, not all of them use their EBT cards to buy high-grade pot...many use their EBT cards to pay for booze and strippers.

Alfred E. Newman said...

Woo hoo! Eat that, progressives!

And to Eddie Vedder and all of you lovers of Islamic murderers, I sincerely hope that Israel wipes their ass with Hamas and those helping them in Gaza. WIPES THEIR ASS.

And speaking of woo hoo, Wahoo - booze and strippers for free? I'm moving there! Free booze, free strippers - question of the day: Does it get any better than that? Just curious if I am the only one.

Schmaltzer Cronkite said...

And this just in, the Mighty Progressives continue to amaze the electorate too stupid not to vote them in with this bit of news: "Now I can't find a doctor."

The voter conintued, "I've been paying a premium since March for medical care that I've never been able to access," she said.

This is indeed progress. One of the best ways to keep healthcare costs down - pay your premiums and NEVER see a doctor. This is at the heart of all Progressive dreams (wet or otherwise).

And that's the way it is ...

Alfred E. Newman said...

This is good news. I was getting worried that the world of geeks and basement wankers was going to escape the denizens of PC. Nope.

Load off my mind, that's for sure.

John the Econ said...

Okay @Alfred E. Newman, you've provided me with the belly-laugh of the day.

So a bunch of girls who wish to dress provocatively and then swim in a sea overwhelmingly populated by socially retarded males are actually surprised when said social retards react in a retarded manner? Who wouldn't see that coming?

This whole "geek evolution" thing actually depresses me. In my youth, being a "geek" meant being inordinately focused on things (usually of a scientific or technical nature) more so than the average person of an age. It didn't mean you wanted to be a child. It was quite the opposite. Although geeks might have been socially awkward, in other ways they were far more mature than their more contemporary peers.

Today, pop culture has retarded being a geek into a kind of extended-to-perennial childhood that justifies being 14 forever. It's quite sad, really.

Call it the "Big Bang Effect". But it certainly wasn't always that way. During my school years, I actually had a lot of friends at Cal Tech. Yeah, we all enjoyed science fiction, but it never would have occurred to any of us to walk around dressed like Mr. Spock. And absolutely none of them would be caught dead-or-alive reading a comic book.