Monday, September 8, 2014

Between Barack and a Hard Place

obama, obama jokes, cartoon, political, stonehenge, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, druids

Last week, Barack Obama took the opportunity to visit Stonehenge - explaining that such a pilgrimage had always been an item on his bucket list. Which leaves only "pee standing up" to complete before he's ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.

Undoubtedly, the president's time at the ancient structure was spent in thoughtful self-reflection, asking himself deep questions like "I wonder if the rock-stackers who built this thing were properly unionized," and "where the hell is a shave ice stand around here?!"

Of course, it's no surprise that this president would be drawn to Stonehenge: its origin is shrouded in mystery, its purpose is unknown, and it's world famous simply for looking vaguely important and being "present."

In other words, it's exactly like Obama himself.

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sure that the people who built Stonehenge either had Muslims in the fabric of their society. Or were waaaaaaaacissssssts.

Judi King said...

What a perfect description of BØ!

Geoff King said...

So Barely went to the UK to get stoned, eh? I figured he was there to see where golf was invented.
Stonehenge apparently had several functions through the ages. Originally it was a crematorium and burial mound. Then it evidently became a place of healing, celebrations, and something of an open-air trading bazaar. The stones were also arrainged for astronomical observation of soltices and equinoxes for planting and harvesting timekeeping. Erected in stages over at least a millenia, the identity of the builders is lost to history. All in all, it is a very multifunctional, extremely impressive, and well built structure. Therefore, it couldn't possibly have been a government project.

The Man said...

Stilt, it wasn't really nice to insult Stonehenge with that comparison. There is one large difference between Stonehenge and The Once and Future King: At least Stonehenge is interesting and cool. Can't say that about Barry, Barry Sotery.

CenTexTim said...

From Spinal Tap on Stonehenge:

"No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but their legacy remains..."

Seems like an apt description of the obama administration.

Anonymous said...

Our stoner president at Stonehenge. Hmmmm... I sure wish he woulda stayed there as a relic of the "progressive" past, when it was believed that a few magic spells and a tossing of "dust" (snort, snort, wheeze) could bring on a state of utopia, when, in fact, it brought on decay, destruction, torture, and the untold murder of innocents.

I wish one of those damn rocks fell on the man. He's a frickin' idiot.

Anonymous said...

... pee standing up...
Heh.


- Charlie

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Some say that Stonehenge was built by the Celtics. Others say that the NBA wasn't involved at all.

@Judi King- It does seem apt, doesn't it?

@Geoff King- You're right; Stonehenge apparently functioned better than Obamacare, the Obamaconomy, and tracked seasons more accurately than Barry's global warming fearmongers. Plus, it probably didn't have any billion dollar cost overruns.

@The Man- It was unfair of me to make the comparison, but Stonehenge will still be there long after Obama is forgotten.

@CenTexTim- Great quote! I wanted to throw in a Spinal Tap reference but couldn't find just the right hook.

@Anonymous- Ooh, which I'd thought of the "stoner president" gag.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Charlie- It's true. I looked it up on Snopes and they verified it.

Anonymous said...

You can tell the president that "peeing standing up" does in fact work. Moochelle has proved it. You do not need Snopes for that ....

Geoff King said...

Oh no! Øbama was caught in another lie:
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2014/sep/07/barack-obama/what-obama-said-about-islamic-state-jv-team/
Actually, I have to ask, has he ever been caught telling the truth?

Anonymous said...

Geoff - ans: No.

And now for something completely different. Another view of "stones" henge.

Anonymous said...

Yes, correct. According to each and every historian who knows what they're talking about, Stonehenge was actually built by a neolithic culture 3000 years before the Britons moved to the area. So, just as when he told the rich parasites that they didn't build it, Obama is once again completely correct.

Anonymouseseses said...

How cute - Obama has never been correct. Nice stretch goal there though, sparky Anon. "Each and every historian who knows what he is talking about..." And that would be only those you agree with, no?

Sooper said...

"Obama is once again completely ratchet!"

How's that? I like that edit. Rich parasites? Interesting. Are they the ones in the welfare offices with their hands out? Oh I forget, those people are building stonehenges. And getting free iPhones.

Are the "rich parasites" the DC fat-cat bureaucrats stealing money from middle class taxpayers? Do you know where the greatest income growth has been for years? DC. Federal workers are the rich parasites you MUST be referring to.

Or maybe it is lazy "progressives" like you? Greedy for other people's money and willing to take like any good socialist.

bobtater said...

I title this picture, "A Stoner Amongst The Stones.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous (the annoying one)- Actually, a lot of experts speculate that Stonehenge was built and maintained by three entirely different groups during different time periods. However, what with brevity being the soul of wit, it was easier to say "Druids."

Now, tell us your reasoning for saying that every small business owner in America is a "rich parasite" who didn't build anything?

Seriously, why (outside of envy) do you detest people who've actually accomplished something with their lives?

JustaJeepGuy said...

Can we get our recent history correct, please? It wasn't Barack Hussein who said "You didn't build that," it was Fauxcahontas Elizabeth Warren. I'm sure Barack Hussein totally agrees with Ms. Lieawatha, but he didn't say it. Just like Bogie never said "Play it again, Sam." Let's stop it before it becomes a false memory that "everyone" remembers!

Anonymous said...

@Sooper: Close. They're the rich bastards who sit in a head office all day, don't produce a single thing or do a single second of actual work, don't deliver a single ounce of value to anyone but themselves, are unaccountable to anyone except other greedy shareholders, break the law with impunity and lobby so they don't face jail time, send American jobs and money overseas and then whine endlessly that they were forced to do it, leach off the hard work of thousands of underpaid workers, and think only of their greedy fat selves. You know, the sort of rich, lazy parasites and drains on the world that Republicans would idolize.

@Stilton: So, the early Celts (that you think are interchangeable with one social class of their society, the druids - though it is just like Republican to ignore anyone but the upper class and think the rest are irrelevant) built on the hard work of people who came before them and owe their respect and gratitude to those people in building Stonehenge? Again, just like Barack Obama said, when he said that people do owe their success to the sacrifices of people who came before them?

So once again, you're saying that Barack Obama is 100% right?

When I see someone who has actually done a single days work in their lives who ends up rich, I'll tell you. Until then, people like the Koch Brothers who inherited everything in their lives, never spent a second poor, and didn't work a single day to get where they are, remain rich parasites.

Well, I shouldn't say that. There is Oprah, of course. She did actually grow up in poverty. She did work hard her whole life, and she did earn where she is now. Also George Soros, a man who escaped the horrors of the Holocaust with nearly nothing to his name, and worked as a waiter to get himself through college.

So, how have you portrayed Oprah and George Soros in the past, then? Always with the utmost respect and admiration, I take it?

See, what you're describing is how it would work under the system that the aforementioned rich parasites have done so much to destroy for their own benefeit (with the loyal help of little brainwashed sheep like yourself). That would be why America has virtually no class mobility - the rich have destroyed everything that threatens them in any way losing their privileged position, then told idiots that it was actually their own fault - they and all the people who help them, they were the ones who did it! Not the rich. Would a rich person lie? See, its the fact that rich people are TOO TAXED that means things don't run. Would rich people lie about that? its the fact that rich people are forced to make things safe for other people that makes businesses non competitive. Would rich people lie? Its Unions that stop rich people exploiting labor that means rich people are forced to use slave labor overseas. Would rich people lie?

Now, I know you're not very smart - that's why you think Celts and Druids are interchangeable, after all (its also why you're a Republican too) - so I'll spell it out for you - yes, the rich people would lie to you, and did lie to you.

Queso Grande said...

Oh, come on now.....Stonehenge is completely different.....see, Stonehenge is often surrounded by short bus riding, costumed and befeathered in both finery and cast offs, dope smoking ululating synchronous worshipers.......oh, never mind.

Queso Grande said...

Oh, btw annoy munch? Er anonymous......Soros quite proudly spoke of his turning his fellow Jews into the Nazis and taking their gelt. Not quite the waiter you lied about.
You so tough and smert, know all about diversity and stuff...come on over to Trenton....nice town destroyed by you democrat scum.......I pick the neighborhood and if you survive one night I'll buy you a steak.
But I'll pre-order the flowers for your grave. You and your ilk build nothing, you only destroy.
Democrats delenda est.

Anonymous said...

@Queso Grande: Yes, I am aware that Glenn Beck decided to "forget" a few of the things about that little story when creating an eeevil boogeyman for Republitards to be scared of. Things like decency, sanity, or math (Soros was 14 at the time. Even if we forget all reason and believed that he could get a job with them, why would the Nazi's employ a 14 year old in a job like that? Use your brain for once). I'm also aware that you're dumb enough to have never once checked the actual facts of the story, and found out that Soros actually had to hide out pretending to be the Christian godson of a friend of Soros's father, who in turn was threatened with death if he didn't do a job taking assets from Jews being sent off to camps. Finally, I'm completely aware that the username you chose here is the closest you've ever come to a Latino American that didn't involve asking them for extra salsa.

Tell you what - you buy me a ticket out, I'll take that Trenton thing. Hell, I got friends out there that I'd love a chance to see again. First, though, lets see you put something where your mouth is - apart from the fifth helping of pie. First, I want you to try chugging down a nice, tall quart of river water from the Ohio River, about a third of a mile downstream from AK steel - you know, the water that they swear isn't harmfully polluted, and that doesn't require further regulation - if anything, its too safe, and could stand to be more polluted. No boiling or straining neither - be sure to get all the flavor of that stuff.

Geoff King said...

@JustaJeepGuy: Actually, Obama did say "You didn't build that".

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YKjPI6no5ng

Geoff King said...

Here you go Anon, your dream date:
http://www.westernjournalism.com/twitter-users-brutally-respond-ad-democrat-contest/

Anonymous said...

@Goeff: Did you just link me to a site that featured praising trolls on twitter as news?

Follow up question - there's a site that thinks its a serious news site that also tries covering and celebrating trolls on twitter?

It really does encapsulate just how bitter, desperate and totally devoid of perspective your entire collection of insane ramblers are. Whats next, a Fox interview with Stormfront members on how they don't like Obama?

Oh who are we kidding, they'd be hired on the spot.

And to answer your question - yes, I actually would greatly enjoy a meal with the President. You see, unlike yourself, I am a patriot.

Geoff King said...

My definition of patriot is someone who loves their country and Constitution and will defend it against those who wish to change any part of it - such as you so-called liberals.

Anonymous said...

@Goeff: Which is of course why you despise each and every single Republican in Congress who thinks the first amendment should not apply to Muslim Americans, and have worked tirelessly to make sure they get replaced by Democrats, right? Because otherwise you'd just be a filthy disgusting hypocrite who doesn't value the Constitution at all, and then hides behind racist claptrap about how some white supremacist told you Islam doesn't count as a religion because of a double standard that Christianity flunks but somehow its only bad for Islam to do.

As for me, I consider a patriot to be someone who love their country and defends it from treasonous bastards who would hurt her and her future for their own personal ambitions - such as you regressives.

I think its wrong to sabotage the country because you don't like the color of the Presidents skin. I think its wrong to work towards throwing the world economy into a freefall through making a default because you can't accept you lost.

Anonymous said...

Also, I notice that your definition of love seems to fall under the same category that a stalker has for his ex-girlfriend.

I know regressives are by their very nature resistant to change, but saying that you oppose any change to America is, well, apart from being the sort of insane racist ranting that you'd hear from the aforementioned Stormfront users, `completely ignorant what actually makes America great. Since its creation, America has constantly been changing to face the new world and be a part of it. And I think that American patriots need to stop regressive old timers like you from killing America because you're too scared and hateful to see it change from what it was like when you were young and in any way relevant.

Geoff King said...

Actually, yes I do despise Republicans who would redefine the Constitution as much as I despise Democrats who would do so. I am a Libertarian, not a Republican, so the weak point you attempted to make is wasted on me.
Øbama's skin color only seems to matter to you socialists. He appears to be sabotaging the country quite well, whatever color he pretends to be. Race-baiting is his forte and racial unrest will be his legacy.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@AnalMousse- Lawd, lawd you sure enjoy the sound of your own voice, don't you? Probably not your only self-pleasure, either...

Setting aside the issue of who built Stonehenge ("Nobody," according to Barry, and "Egyptian slaves who erected the monument to their gap-toothed warrior god Leon Sphinx" according to Wikipedia) let's move on to the crux of your obsessive dementia and talk about the meaning of "you didn't build that" - which Barry DID say, although I'm sure it would be safe to say "he didn't write that."

You kind of blow your own argument (among other things) by citing Oprah and Soros as people who really, really did build something from nothing. Meaning that you accept the premise that people who work hard and use their heads can build things, including corporations and wealth.
And presumably, you'd agree that the many people employed by Oprah and Soros are better off than if those two hadn't built anything. Or do you think that both should have reached a maximum annual salary (say $100k) and then be told to stop creating jobs so as not to steal too much of the yummy fiscal pie?

And for all your incessant ranting about racism, you might ask yourself how Oprah (who is twice as black as the president) got to be worth roughly a bajillion dollars here in the United States of Apartheid?

You also say "When I see someone who has actually done a single days work in their lives who ends up rich, I'll tell you."

Bad news, dude. You're reading his blog right now.

Sooper said...

Hey Anonymous - Oh, you mean like Al Gore, Tom Steyer, Bill Gates, Michael Moore, Warren Buffet, Elizabeth Warren (a rich Harvard deadbeat who lies about her heritage), Diane Feinstein (who got rich in office), Harry Reid (who got rich in office), and of course the no-talent Obama who got rich by being ... Obama. And I could go on. You limousine liberals and your hypocrisy is amazing. Say are you buying the products and services that these "parasitical rich" are producing? Or do you live in a cave? Neanderthal. Stupid fool that you are. Hypocrite.

Anonymouseseses said...

Hey moron Neanderthal!

That's a link moron anonymous. Click it.

Anonymous said...

@Stilton:"Setting aside the issue of who built Stonehenge ("Nobody," according to Barry, and "Egyptian slaves who erected the monument to their gap-toothed warrior god Leon Sphinx" according to Wikipedia)"

Oh dear, you've done it again. You've confused your own insane fantasy for reality again. Obama didn't say anything about Stonehenge, that was something you made believe that he said. Okay? I know Republicans do it about everything, but you can't just dream something and then say its real.

"You kind of blow your own argument (among other things) by citing Oprah and Soros as people who really, really did build something from nothing. Meaning that you accept the premise that people who work hard and use their heads can build things, including corporations and wealth."

Very good. You've stopped using the insane right wing talking point strawman version and have almost made it to understanding what Obama actually said. Keep going, now all you need to do is realise that he said that working hard and using your head alone isn't enough, you also are helped by other people and owe a debt to society.


"And presumably, you'd agree that the many people employed by Oprah and Soros are better off than if those two hadn't built anything. Or do you think that both should have reached a maximum annual salary (say $100k) and then be told to stop creating jobs so as not to steal too much of the yummy fiscal pie?"

Oh dear, I guess getting too close to reality was too much for your brain, and you had to veer off into strawman territory again.

"And for all your incessant ranting about racism, you might ask yourself how Oprah (who is twice as black as the president) got to be worth roughly a bajillion dollars here in the United States of Apartheid?"

How many other people on the Forbes 500 are black again? Oh, just her and absolutely no other African American individuals? Huh, imagine that.

"You also say "When I see someone who has actually done a single days work in their lives who ends up rich, I'll tell you."

Bad news, dude. You're reading his blog right now."

You piggybacked on the success of Sheryl Leach's idea for a series about a mentally deficient purple lizard that was only enjoyed by 2 year olds, before being forcibly ousted from the entrainment industry to write yet another "hilarious" parody of the worlds most simplistic management book and now make zero-effort photoshops of political figures with lower effort captions. When exactly did you work hard?

Anonymouseseses said...

Hey moron!

Marxist Refugee said...

Anonymous - tl;dr, get a life.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Oh, we all "owe a debt to society" that goes beyond what we're taxed or what we give through charity. More than what we pay to vendors, service providers or our own employees. We all "owe a debt" until Oprah, Soros, a 17 year old burger flipper, and an unemployed single mother of six are all enjoying the same comfortable income level, right?

In what universe do you think this would work? Moron.

As far as your colorful stalker speculations about my work history go, I believe you left out the years I spent working minimum (or below) wage jobs in restaurants, lawn crews, and factory assembly lines.

But enough about me, silly billy, tell us how you got wealthy? Or, just as interestingly, why you didn't? See if you can do it without using the word "oppressed."

Sooper said...

Stilton - you need this, fast!

Along with some PineSol - it stinks around here today!

Geoff King said...

I think I finally understand part of the Democratic mindset. Statistically, 81% of murderers and 93% of all felons are self-admitted Democrats. That would explain why they both ignore the crimes committed by the elected members of their party, and why they believe everyone's rights should be removed in the name of public safety. Because they tend to be despicable human beings, they assume that we are all as evil as they are.
Outlaw Democrats, not guns!

Pete (Detroit) said...

People, let's not feed the troll by calling it names. This one is actually attempting discourse. Illogical and factually challanged perhaps, and a severe inability to detect sarcasm or satire, but still, it's attempting to play nice - oh, wait *it* started the name calling, didn't it.
Poor humorless thing does not realize that when it comes to distrust of the gummint in general, the President in specific, the troubles at the border(s), the mess(es) in the Middle East and Ukraine, the unemployment, the violence in Chicago (and elsewhere, caused by central american drug gangs) - well, he DID build all that.
Yes, he had help.
Even The One is not a big enough d-bag to pull all that off on his own. But yeah, he *is* the architect...

Geoff King said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clinton's Slick Willy said...

WRT to the troll: I was just wishing that his/her mother had supported abortion in his/her case. Or that his parents had been gay enough to forgo "conceiving" him/her. Or that his/her love of Muslims had motivated him to go to the Levant and lose his/her head over the struggle with the infidel. OR something. The hypocrisy of the left, their overt intolerance, their hatred is not life-affirming. These sociopaths are a danger to mankind.

Geoff King said...

"Between Barack and a hard place". I would say Øbubba's (lack of) foreign policy is "between Iraq and Assad place".

Queso Grande said...

@anon- you know which one.
Why would I drink river water that had been dirtied far far before the unknown was known. Yes, in the past we did stuff bad. Get over it. Without so much litigation and Goobermint red tape- and I work for the State and have worked for the Feds so I am intimately familiar with the subject- industry would clean it up far faster. But I'm talking now, baby. Come to Trenton- I'm a tried and true south Trenton river rat with far more experience than salsa with " Latinos".
As for Soros, never saw the Beck stuff. I did however see the original interview with Soros a loooong time ago. Your contention that a 14 year old would not be attractive to the Nazis kinda renders the rest of your diatribe moot, ya know?
Now I've had a long day at work: my first job, and because I wanna be rich my other one.
Good night, and don't forget to thank Mom for letting you stay with her.

ZZMike said...

And quite naturally, he had to work this item off his bucket list while he could get the US taxpayers to foot the bill, rather than wait till he goes back to the farm.

John Yes said...

Stonehenge: only slightly older than this dumbass talking point

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John Yes- Sadly, just because the talking point is old doesn't make it irrelevant. Whether he calls it "spreading the wealth," "you didn't build that," or "income inequality" Barry is all about socialist redistribution of other people's earnings.

Anonymouseseses said...

Yeah - this whole notion, the "redistribution of wealth" as the socialist/"progressive"/marxist/moron philosophy calls it, as if the government (fat-assed, lazy, porno-viewing, over-paid bureaucrats) knows best, goes back to at least the French Revolution and in published form to William Godwin. But in fact, the notions, as the doctor said, are older than Stonehenge. Revolutions and riots took place in ancient Greece and Rome, and elsewhere, but these were systems in which the economy was corrupted by government influence. "Redistribution of wealth" is really just the Green Monster, dressed up in fancy words and useless Ph.D.'s.

And speaking of which ....

These effing lefty trolls really need a head session with ISIS personnel. They're worthless sh1tbags. Their heads, that is.

JustaJeepGuy said...

I guess I'm confused. I thought Fauxcahontas said it first. DID Barack Hussein say it first or did Lieawatha say it first? Either way, it's socialist garbage to claim that someone who starts a business did it only with the help of government or society or whatever, as though it's impossible otherwise. But of course, socialists DO think nothing is possible without government intervention.