Okay, now it's on. After fighting a years-long battle against pretty much every military expert and adviser in our armed forces, Barack Obama has finally started airstrikes against terrorist positions in Syria - exactly as Mitt Romney suggested (and Joe Biden openly mocked) way back in 2012.
But such an escalation comes at a terrible cost: specifically, ISIS spokespman Abu Muhammed al-Adnani is now punctuating his terrorist rants with scathingly witty references to our national leaders. Among al-Adnani's Oscar Wildean ripostes: Secretary of State Kerry is an "old uncircumcised geezer," and Barack Hussein Obama is "the mule of the Jews." Bang! Pow! Zoom!
Remarks such as these must not go unanswered, and Hope n' Change stands ready (if called) to supply our military with as many weapons-grade counter-insults as necessary. We can begin with the fact that every single ISIS member has a face that looks like Willy Nelson's ball sack, and escalate from there if necessary. Or, if a fully-automated "Iron Dome" approach is preferred, cyber-insults can be fired back at the speed of light thanks to fully automated systems like this one. Either way, it won't be pretty.
The ever-jocular Al-Adnani (known on the radical Islamic comedy circuit as a "beheadliner") rounded out his stand-up routine saying "if you can, kill a disbelieving American or European - especially the spiteful and filthy French - or an Australian, or a Canadian, or any other disbeliever! Kill him in any manner or way however it may be!"
What a kidder! No wonder B. Hussein simply laughed off the threat of ISIS for so long.
"You rub it and it turns into a suitcase!"