Tis the season for endorsements, as Bernie Sanders proved yesterday when he finally gave his presidential endorsement to Goldman Sach's pin-up girl and multi-millionaire Hillary Clinton, saying that she would carry on his fight against big banks and income inequality. Bernie's supporters are, of course, confused - more so even than usual - since Hillary represents everything Bernie claimed to despise before he recently received an anonymous note pointing out that his withered old windpipe probably couldn't support a set of barbells very long.
Meanwhile, Barack Obama traveled to Dallas, Texas to speak at the memorial service for the fallen police officers who were murdered by an angry black man who believed - for some inexplicable reason entirely unrelated to 8 years of the president's racially inflammatory rhetoric - that white police officers have "acted stupidly," that "a deep distrust exists between law enforcement and communities of color (who) aren't just making these problems up," and that "power concedes nothing without a fight" of the sort seen in the Ferguson and Baltimore riots.
In any event, Mr. Obama used the occasion of the memorial service to morally equate the deaths of five Dallas officers with those of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile (and throw in charges of institutional racism for good measure) - even though the facts aren't in on those latter deaths. Through direct implication the president was actually siding with the monster who assassinated the police in Dallas.
On his return to Washington on Wednesday, the president will be convening a summit of sorts at the White House today in which (ahem) civil rights leaders and police representatives will discuss the institutional racism of robots, and how they can be stopped from blowing up young black men with promising futures.
Hillary Clinton has also endorsed Black Votes Matter - oops - Black Lives Matter, by declaring that she's going to be talking to (gasp) white people about how they need to do a better job of listening to the concerns of our nation's oppressed, even if it requires learning ebonics. Granted, Hillary herself may not be listening closely enough either...
Which brings Hope n' Change to the important matter of making our coveted endorsement of "Old Crofter" scotch and citing its critical role in helping us survive the daily news.
While not a "top shelf" brand (it's perhaps more of a "prop the basement door open with that bottle" brand), it's actually more drinkable - and only slightly more expensive - than our previous rotgut "Clan MacGregor" (slogan: "It's kilt better men than you")
Mind you, we have the kind of sophisticated, highly-trained palate that can fully appreciate the subtle nuances and characteristics of a really fine, lovingly-aged scotch. Which is how we can tell that "Old Crofter" isn't one by a longshot. Still, it's affordable in these tough economic times and, unlike anyone in Washington, actually does the job.
AND FROM THE VAULT...
|No kid in America could tell you what this story is anymore.|