Friday, September 9, 2016
Hillary Clinton is being accused of using a tiny, nearly invisible radio-enabled earpiece to feed her answers, information, and cues to cackle wildly or cough dramatically during her recent town hall event with Matt Lauer.
Hillary's campaign team categorically denies this accusation which, as far as we can tell, is actually the primary function of her campaign team: categorically denying that the latest pungent brown shrapnel to fill the air is more of Hillary's feces which has hit the fan.
Frankly, we don't know or much care if Hillary has added a high tech element to her lying. After all, at this point we should all accept the truism that Hillary isn't so much a person as the mascot-like face of a huge criminal enterprise with plenty of players. Whether or not she's actually got a teeny-tiny walkie-talkie shoved up her earhole is secondary to the fact that everything she says has been scripted, focus group tested, analyzed for legal liability, and has virtually nothing to do with the truth.
Even so, we think Donald Trump might do well to invest in a pocket-sized radio jamming device to carry into his debates with Hillary. Or better still, he should just find out her earpiece's radio frequency then blast her eardrums with the national anthem.
BONUS: A DAY AT THE (PRESIDENTIAL) RACES
Meanwhile, Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson is still on the campaign trail, reminding voters that they don't need to settle for a Republican, a Democrat, or someone who spends more than $5 on a haircut.
Unfortunately, he didn't do much to advance his case when, on MSNBC, the discussion turned to Aleppo and, after a brief pause, Johnson asked "What is Aleppo?"
For those who think Aleppo might have been the Marx brother even less well known than Gummo or Zeppo, it's actually the city where much of the violence of the Syrian civil war has been centered, leading to a huge humanitarian crisis.
In fairness, it seems likely that Johnson just had a momentary memory blank and was man enough to admit it afterwards. Unlike some candidates we could mention, who claim any defects in their memory should be blamed on a brain-damaging fall after an (ahem) "stomach virus."