Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Times Square Marches On



To the disappointment of the 72 virgins in paradise, unmartyred (and fortunately unsuccessful) Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad has been sentenced to life in prison.

Apparently missing the memo that said followers of Islam are mostly interested in building multi-ethnic recreation centers, Shahzad announced in court that Americans should "brace yourself" because "the war with Muslims has just begun."

Judge Miriam Cedarbaum, who administered the life sentence, told Shahzad that she hopes he will spend his prison time "thinking of whether the Quran wants you to kill people."

But considering the fact that the would-be terrorist frequently interrupted the sentencing by saying things like "Allah Akhbar" and "the defeat of the United States is imminent, inshallah,"
we're guessing that Shahzad has already given a lot of thought to his personal interpretation of the Quran.
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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

For some unknown reason, a lot of prisoners in American prisons convert to Islam (or some form of it). This makes it unlikely that Shahzad will get shanked soon. Darn it.

Anonymous said...

I still say those 72 virgins are all 200 pound Catholic nuns tapping their ruler impatiently against their palm while they wait. It isn't his palm they will be smacking with that ruler for all eternity either. "WAAAAA. NO!!! STOP Sister Margaret. AAAAAAAHHH. PLEASE!!! Not again, Sister Maria. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!.. WHACK!..

Pete(Detroit) said...

The same Quran that calls for conversion, enslavement, or death for infidels? Extermination of the Jews? Death to any who chose to walk away from Islam? Brutal and inhuman treatment of women and homosexuals? (Note - said homosexuals being defined as relations b/n adults - boning little boys as well as girls is fine) That Quran?
Muslims are not necessarily 'bad' people, but Islam itself is surely evil...

TheDarkKnight said...

Personally I've got no problem giving him the chance to find out, first hand, that the 72 virgins he was promised are either:

(1) a complete and total fallacy
(2) 72 hairy virgin men dressed in pig costumes

Maybe it's just the fiscal conservative in me but I'd rather not be on the hook for paying for him to "spread his faith" in prison

Anonymous said...

Some interpretations say it's 72 raisins. (Without the gin.)

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

Lock cell. Lose key. Forget.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Readers- Great comments above. We're not keen on the idea of paying to keep Shahzad behind bars for the rest of his life, though we probably can't give the death penalty in a case where no lives (fortunately) were lost. Unless the law gets changed, say, after November.

But we groaned at the judge's suggestion that Shahzad use his permanent taxpayer-funded vacation to think about the Quran. Just to float a suggestion, why doesn't he spend his time thinking about anything else.

On a completely unrelated note, we think there's great rehabilitation value in teaching convicts how to make shanks out of bacon.

pryorguy said...

It is past time to come to grips with the fact that the only thing crazy militants respect is POWER! They care nothing about their own people, they care only for the will of Allah and that makes them very dangerous. A WW2 vet I knew fought in the Pacific against the Japanese, and he said the scariest men you will encounter are those that are NOT afraid to die, as the Japanese were. Our policies of late have become soft and gratuitous, its time to be MEN again!The kind of men that bought the freedoms we enjoy with their blood!

Anonymous said...

I have actually SEEN a virgin recently in Oklahoma. Easily the ugliest little 8 year old ever.