Sunday, June 5, 2011

HnC Vault: Fat of the Land

Originally published February 12, 2010


To fight an epidemic of childhood obesity, Barack Obama has just created a federally-funded obesity taskforce and has given first lady Michelle Obama the job of spearheading publicity efforts. To kick things off, she declared that obesity is "a threat to national security," though she presumably feels that Ronald McDonald should be tried in a civilian court rather than being shipped to Guantanamo Bay.

Michelle will help kids by encouraging them to exercise (
"Touch your toes like you're bowing to Japanese royalty!"), eat more fruits and vegetables ("A day without arugula is like a day without sunshine!"), and presumably by giving them fashion tips...

BONUS: From the Hope n' Change Gift Shoppe, a tribute to the first lady and the Beatles!




Update 6/4/11

Today's cartoon has been summoned from the archives in recognition of the Obama administration's latest brainstorm to help Americans eat healthy and lose weight: the elimination of the "food pyramid."

And not just
any food pyramid...they're eliminating the new, revamped food pyramid which the Government redesigned themselves (at God knows what cost) which featured "colorful vertical stripes representing food groups" with "a stick figure running up the side to note the importance of exercise." The new pyramid was so streamlined and stylized that no one could figure out what it meant, although the bold rainbow design seemed to hint that the Egyptians who built the original pyramids were possibly pioneers in Gay activism.

But NOW the pyramid is gone, replaced by a graphic of (wait for it!)...
a plate of food, divided into rainbow quadrants. Unfortunately, since many people are apparently still too dim to understand how a "balanced meal" works, this suggests that the government will soon require stores to dye all fruits bright red, grains orange, vegetables green, and protein a taste-tempting purple.

And frankly, all of the food should come pre-cut into tiny little bites. If the American people are
this stupid, they sure shouldn't be using knives.



What we WERE supposed to eat...what we ARE supposed to eat...and what we actually eat.
-

24 comments:

Doktor Paulie said...

Where to start?

Americans are going to eat what they want and the government can preach at us any way, in any form or format, they want and we're still going to eat what we want. It's not that we're to stupid to understand the ideas that the Wise Ones are trying to transmit, we're just ignoring them.

Which, of course, is what today's post by @SJ just said.

Moreover, the gov't pyramids and the plate are wrong anyway, being based on bad science and medical ignorance compounded by doctor's smugness and arrogance. Not to light off a big controversy here, noooooo, but I do a lot better in every way on my low-carb, reasonable protein way of eating than I ever did on any high-carb, low-fat diet.

Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin!

robert said...

Now, now, Doc Paulie, that gnashing of teeth comes in handy on the grains...And, I. for one , am glad the government tells me what to do and how to think. That free's me up for more important things. Dum de dum de dum, kibbles and bits, kibbles and bits. What was that bend allowance formula again?

Suzy said...

I'm glad its finally a fashion statement to be a woman who is 5'11", have a short stumpy waist and long gangly legs, and be a tad overweight. Makes me feel better...although even I refuse to wear wide belts! Evidently nobody has told Michelle that people with short waists shouldn't wear wide belts, no matter what their weight status is.

bandmeeting said...

Read the book, "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary Taubs. It's all been wrong for years.

Proof said...

Has anyone in the history of the Republic ever paid any attention at all to the government's food pyramid, whatever its geometry?

In times of deep economic crisis, it's good to know that the government is intent on drawing circles for us...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@bandmeeting- Gary Taubs's book is excellent and quite possibly the definitive "go to" reference on nutrition and weight.

@Proof- "Food pyramids" are stupid. Government subsidized colorful graphics are stupid. And Government nutrition websites are stupid.

Why? Ask yourself this question: why would a moron who can't figure out to eat a few fruits and veggies now and then suddenly decide to hit the Internet and go to "MyPyramid.gov" or "ChooseMyPlate.gov" seeking nutrition information?

And if the public couldn't get interested in color-coded TERROR warnings, with their lives and safety on the line, why would they get interested in color-coded food combinations?!

Earl said...

Do they tell us what size plates to use? My older brother got to use the turkey platter as his plate for holiday meals.

pryorguy said...

I work in a hospital kitchen...we follow strict guidelines such as these of course...most of the food comes back and goes straight in the trash along with the fast food bags that brought the food they ACTUALLY ate! So, you're right when you say people will eat what they want....even if they shouldn't!!
Believe me, no amount of preachin', govment or face to face, makes a difference on most people!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Earl- Seriously, I was wondering how long it will be until the government sends us (or makes us buy) sectioned plates with the little compartments labeled like the new graphic. With the description of each food in English and Spanish, of course.

@Pryorguy- No matter how hard the government tries, people are still going to just pick at their Soylent Green.

pryorguy said...

That would not surprise me one bit...you know how women in general like to organize, and then you after they are done, you can't find your stuff for months? Thats how the govment works, too...only the wife has no agenda but to organize, the guvment just wants control? (hm...or does the wife want control too?? hmm) :-D

btw, I like my soylent green with a little gravy ty

Reaganite Republican said...

Superb, Mr J

lmao x 100!

Linked at RR:

Reaganite's Sunday Funnies

Chuck said...

Eat healthy. Exercise. Die anyway.

I'll be damned if I'll let fear-mongering of any kind lessen the joy of whatever years God gives me.

I am a proud member of PETA (People Eat Tasty Animals) be believe that "Vegetarian" is an Indian word that translates roughly to "Bad Hunter".

I notice that Beer is not mentioned on the "plate", and yet I trust Ben Franklin who said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy". Time for a brew ...

Chuck said...

Should have been "and believe". Okay, so I was already drinking the beer ... you got me.

Pete(Detroit) said...

In college we determined that the four food groups were actually 'baked, fried, sugar, and beer'... or 'sugar, starch, grease, and alcohol' (same groups)

As for People Eating Tasty animals, another friend defines 'food' as 'anything w/ a face'. Dietary groupings then become Food, What you get from food (ie, dairy, eggs) What food eats, what you make from what food eats - once again, sugars, fats, starches, and alcohol...
It's all good.
Now, I'm off to a beerbequeue, and some sweet Italian brats! mmmmMMMMMmmm!

Andrew said...

Infantalizing the population by dictating to them, in condescending and falsely parental tones, what they can and cannot choose to eat.
It's not subtle, but it's revealing of the attitudes at the top.
Fourteen percent of the population is now on food stamps, an all time high.

Last night there was a woman in front of me at the supermarket checkout. Grossly obese, rolls of fat spilling over each other. She was using a food stamps swipe card to pay for a cart full of chips, cookies, ice cream, And yes, I think I saw Twinkies.

Anonymous said...

What ever happened to the Square Meal?

John the Econ said...

I liked the food pyramid that look more like a circus tent. Seems appropriate for policy from Washington.

Doktor Paulie said...

Yes, agree on Taub's book, and I also like Protein Power by Michael and Mary Eades, which is a little older but really effectively refutes the case for hi-carb and low-fat eating.

I'm late chiming back in because we went to the gun show today where I got a nice lightweight concealed carry vest that I can wear in the summer and carry both the .45 and the .44. Always bring a gun to a gunfight, and preferrably bring two.

On the way back, we stopped at a terrific Mexican restaurant with great food and a live band clustered around the table of some really dumb drug dealers over in the corner. The band was playing loudly so as to foil any DEA eavesdroppers, I reckon. The also drew the attention of everybody in the place to the intense negotiations going on at the corner table.

Being one of the only two gringos in the place, the dealer's security guys were eyeing ME as a potential threat. What a joke! First of all, I'm an old guy, and second I already had the bulge on them so far that any alleged security those guys were providing was a complete illusion. And, yes, being at least figuratively in tiger country, I DID keep a sharp eye out behind, too.

All of which raving I subject you to, dear friends, in support of the observation that most criminals and most liberals are really dumb, and they think everybody is. So of course the, um, I'm trying not to say "bozos", the nice folks in charge of the food pyramid/plate illustration really do think we the people are so dumb that we need such graphics and will profit by them.

Oh, well. Let them eat carbs!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Doktor Paulie- Thanks for the highly entertaining story! I'll have to remember not to sneak up on you when refreshing your bowls of chips and salsa!

Suzy said...

Andrew...that's so gross. Bleh. I'm totally for food stamps being run similar to WIC, where there is a list of foods that can be purchased. Luxury items...i.e. junk food...should have to be purchased with cash. Nobody NEEDS cookies, chips, or ice cream to live. The purpose of food stamps is not to eat high on the hog...its to survive when you otherwise could not. Which means you really only need meat, fruit, veggies, potatoes, rice, beans, milk, and cheese, and some cereal... in a nutshell....

John the Econ said...

WIC is a great deal where I live. You can show up at at WIC office without identification, and then take the certificates a few doors down and trade them for cash, 50-cents on the dollar. You should see the really nice cars in the parking lot too!

Pete(Detroit) said...

Part of the point (or so I thought) of Food Stamps being done electronically (by card) rather than physically (by paper) was to a) control what was / not bought b) eliminate (or at least reduce) the kind of fraud John talks about.

Clearly, we need to go to a 'community kitchen' model, where you show up, and get fed. None of this twinkie BS...

Andrew said...

Hmm. Soup kitchens. Retro 1932...

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Pete, I think more of the point of the electronic Food Stamps thing is to eliminate the "shame factor" of those who are "forced" to use them. We can't let the self-esteem of the "victims" of poverty be harmed by being seen using actual food stamps, can we? It's not their fault, right? It's the fault of those darn cruel (supposedly rich) Republicans, right? Yeah, right...