Friday, June 10, 2011
Here at Hope n' Change, we realize that it's daunting to be faced with terrible news day after day. Just this week, we've had to deal with disastrous economic reports, escalating wars, and Weiner's weiner. But surely there must be good news out there that proves the world isn't crazy, right?
Wrong. The world is crazy...and as proof we offer up the fact that those whacky Chinese have used genetic modification to create a herd of cows that give human breast milk. The milk will be offered to consumers as a more nutritious, and somewhat kinkier, alternative to standard moo juice.
"It's good!" according to a worker named Jiang Yao who has tasted the sweeter, stronger milk. And as he enthusiastically points out, "It's better for you because it's genetically modified!" Which is as catchy a slogan for the endtimes as any.
But this whole cross-breeding of cows and human breasts raises troubling ethical questions - especially considering that China is a country with a huge population of hormonally active young men and a severe shortage of women.
Fortunately, the Chinese scientists say there is virtually no chance that the busty bovines will prove attractive to human males, noting that "except for the horns, the cows look a lot like Joy Behar."