Sunday, January 23, 2011
To put an end to all of this "birther" nonsense once and for all, Democratic Governor of Hawaii Neil Abercrombie made news when he announced that he was going to find and show Barack Hussein Obama's longform birth certificate.
The Governor, who was an alleged friend of the alleged president's alleged parents back in their carefree days of bigamy and teen pregnancy, has subsequently been digging for the least-seen artifact since the Ark of the Covenant and now, only a few short months later, he can state with irrefutable certainty that "a long-form, hospital-generated birth certificate for Barack Obama may not exist."
Oddly, the previous Governor of Hawaii claimed that a person under her authority had seen and verified the document, and that she then had it "sealed away" to avoid prying eyes.
Meanwhile, the state's Attorney General says that Hawaii's privacy laws prevent the Governor or anyone else from seeing the birth certificate, assuming one exists, without the president's consent.
All of which means the governmental officials in Hawaii either can't get their stories straight, or they've been having waaaaaaaay too many Mai-Tai's at lunch.
Despite Governor Abercrombie's failure to find Obama's birth certificate, he has said that he's pretty sure that Obama's birth was recorded informally in a ledger somewhere or other (or maybe on a Post-it note) and he'll definitely find it one of these days when he has more time. Currently, his top priority is dealing with Hawaii's emergency response to this harsh winter, and Mr. Abercrombie only has time for shoveling snow.
Or was it sand?
We can't remember...but we're pretty sure he's shoveling something.